Muharram 1434 H & Resolutions

Bismillahirrahmanirraheem.

Assalamualaikum wbt to my dear brothers and sisters ! :D

Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal wa ni'mah, today we get to be part of one of the most momentous days in the Hijrah calendar, Islam's New Year's Day, Awal Muharram 1434 H. As a muslim, who want to become a better self, way better than last year, way better than the previous years, as a muslim who want to change for a way better muslim, WE should prepare ourselves, a list full of new resolutions, only this time the resolutions should be different than our previous resolutions (that some of them are probably were forgotten or left aside). Of course every new year some of the list of azam would till be the same as previous azam, i.e to become a better daughter, a better muslim, a more solihah muslim et cetera. But the difference, that I mentioned here is that insha Allah, with new spirit and motivations as well as inspirations from whatever events that occured before, in our lives, which of course that could bring us closer to Allah SWT, the difference is that insha Allah, this year's resolutions, SHOULD be conformed to and not being left aside or forgotten.

 

Kadang-kadang, semangat kita tu datang sekejap je, somehow it won't linger with us long enough like we expected it would be. Sebab, syaitan-syaitan tidak akan pernah berhenti daripada 'berusaha' segigih yang 'mereka' boleh untuk melalaikan kita, menyesatkan umat manusia. The devils won't stop doing their jobs until the Day of the Doom, and WE should also must not stop doing our jobs, to struggle, to become a better MUSLIM each and every day. I'm not saying this as if I'm oh-all-good-already, the words that I'm typing is pretty much especially for me, who gets easily terlalai terleka with the world around me. So what sort of struggles should we do? Not to mention we are proclaiming war to the devils each and every day, we need swords, shields, and the armour. Look around us, and you could see we have the defence with us all along. We have the Holy Quran, we have the Hadeeth, we have our agama books that would always, always accompany us, to tarbiyah ourselves, to mould ourselves in becoming much much better muslims, to create a fardh muslim (a muslim self, on the whole) so that when lots of fardh muslims are created, baitul muslim (a family of true muslims, on the whole) would be formed from the combination of two fardh muslims of male and female. And when a baitul muslim could be achieved, a mujtama' al muslim would be created, a community of true muslims, who knows their aim of life, a community made up from children born from a baitul muslim. The parents will teach their children to become a true servant of Allah, teach them Islam, in total, teach them Allah had created us to become His servants and a caliph in this world, to preach about Islam, to tell the world Islam is the truth, the only religion that all homo- sapiens should conform to. After that, Daulah Islamiyyah could be formed together with Khilafah Islam, an Islamic country. Let's pray, so that this new year, we are blessed with His Lights, that would bring us closer to Allah, despite the trials and tribulations that we are facing or about to face, we shouldn't be in depression, but we are more stronger than ever because we hold fast to the rope of Allah SWT.

 

I found an article from a blog, on amalan-amalan pada bulan Muharram, so here goes the details :D

 

 

Antara amalan disunatkan pada bulan Muharam:

• Berpuasa.

- Maksud Hadis: Barang siapa berpuasa satu hari dalam bulan Muharam pahalanya seumpama berpuasa 30 tahun.

- Maksud Hadis: Barang siapa yang berpuasa tiga hari dalam bulan Muharam, iaitu hari Khamis, Jumaat dan Sabtu, Allah tulis padanya pahala seperti mana beribadat selama 2 tahun.

• Banyakkan amal ibadat seperti solat sunat, zikir dan sebagainya.
• Berdoa akhir tahun pada hari terakhir bulan Zulhijah selepas Asar sebanyak 3 kali
• Berdoa awal tahun pada 1 Muharram selepas Maghrib 3 kali

Empat belas perkara sunat dilakukan pada hari Asyura (10 Muharram):

• Melapangkan masa/belanja anak isteri. Fadilatnya - Allah akan melapangkan hidupnya pada tahun ini.
• Memuliakan fakir miskin. Fadilatnya - Allah akan melapangkannya dalam kubur nanti.
• Menahan marah. Fadilatnya - Di akhirat nanti Allah akan memasukkannya ke dalam golongan yang redha.
• Menunjukkan orang sesat. Fadilatnya - Allah akan memenuhkan cahaya iman dalam hatinya.
• Menyapu/mengusap kepala anak yatim. Fadilatnya - Allah akan mengurniakan sepohon pokok di syurga bagi tiap-tiap rambut yang disapunya.
• Bersedekah. Fadilatnya - Allah akan menjauhkannya daripada neraka sekadar jauh seekor gagak terbang tak berhenti-henti dari kecil sehingga ia mati. Diberi pahala seperti bersedekah kepada semua fakir miskin di dunia ini.
• Memelihara kehormatan diri. Fadilatnya - Allah akan mengurniakan hidupnya sentiasa diterangi cahaya keimanan.
• Mandi Sunat. Fadilatnya - Tidak sakit (sakit berat) pada tahun itu. Lafaz niat: "Sahaja aku mandi sunat hari Asyura kerana Allah Taala."
• Bercelak. Fadilatnya - Tidak akan sakit mata pada tahun itu.
• Membaca Qulhuwallah hingga akhir 1,000 kali. Fadilatnya - Allah akan memandanginya dengan pandangan rahmah di akhirat nanti.
• Sembahyang sunat empat rakaat. Fadilatnya - Allah akan mengampunkan dosanya walau telah berlarutan selama 50 tahun melakukannya. Lafaz niat: "Sahaja aku sembahyang sunat hari Asyura empat rakaat kerana Allah Taala." Pada rakaat pertama dan kedua selepas Fatihah dibaca Qulhuwallah 11 kali.
• Menjamu orang berbuka puasa. Fadhilat - Diberi pahala seperti memberi sekalian orang Islam berbuka puasa.
• Puasa. Niat - "Sahaja aku berpuasa esok hari sunat hari Asyura kerana Allah Taala." Fadilat - Diberi pahala seribu kali Haji, seribu kali umrah dan seribu kali syahid dan diharamkannya daripada neraka.

Subhanallah :'D Alhamdulillah, as muslims, we've got these chances to become a better one, and we've got these opportunities to grab to increase our iman to Allah, and become much much better muslims . So, LET'S PUT A REMINDER SO THAT WE WON'T MISS THE BLESSINGS IN THE DAY OF ASYURA ! :D

 

Insha Allah, here are my resolutions for the new year 1434 H. Please pray for me guys, I'm very, very vulnerable to mistakes and wrong doings.

 

Bismillahirrahmanirraheem.

 

1) Work hard to become a better Muslimah.

 

- A solihah girl with a big heart, a strong personality, despite the challenges that I'm facing and I'll face in the future as a young adult of 20 years old (24th Jan). I should prepare myself by reading lots and lots of agama books during leisure time. Have yet to finish reading Mazha Yakni by Fathi Yakan, have yet to buy and read Fiqh Al- Awlawiyat by Dr Yusuf Al Qardhawi, have yet to finish reading Pemuda Islam yang Dijanjikan by the same author, have yet to finish reading Cinta High Class by Sis Fatimah Syarha and her husband Dr Farhan Hadi. All these are for my own good, to tarbiyah myself, to mould myself and become a better muslim. Insha Allah

 

- Kena paksa diri untuk rajin berqiyamullail. My dad always advise me; "sementara umur masih muda ni, waktu ni lah kita gunakan untuk banyak beribadah kepada Allah, bila meningkat dewasa nanti, susah nak cari masa, and cabaran itu lagi hebat. Sekurang kurangnya kita persiapkan diri kita, bila dah tua, terbiasa dengan qiyamullail." "Kita tak tahu ajal kita tiba bila, sekurang kurangnya kita ada bekalan..." I noticed that during Ramadhan or when I'm away from home, at school for example, performing qiyam is much easier, x rasa malas, disiplin itu ada dalam diri. Nak exam, solat sunat tu macam tabiat. But after exams have finished, when the long holidays come, the challenges are bigger, the devils would whisper lots of things that would make me feel lazy, and mudah terlalai. Sebab tu, aku harus persiapkan diri. Bisikan syaitan tu bukan seminggu sekali, tapi setiap hari.

 

- Kena paksa diri untuk memperbanyakkan amalan amalan sunat. Solat sunat, puasa sunat, zikir, banyakkan baca Quran, bukan waktu exam je Rai. Kalau Nabi Muhammad S.A.W boleh sibukkan diri dengan beribadah kepada Allah, sedangkan Baginda seorang yang maksum, dan sudah pasti keberadaan Baginda di Syurga sana disisi Allah SWT, aku yang belum pasti memenangi SyurgaNya boleh duduk malas dan membuang masa? Whatever it is, you are getting older day by day Raihana. No matter what, you have to push yourself always. Baba Mama dah ajar tentang Islam sejak kau lahir Rai. Masukkan ke sekolah agama. Paling kurang, kau kena jadi anak yang solihah, untuk faedah Mama Baba bila mereka dah tiada. Doa anak yang soleh, itulah bekalan buat Mama Baba.

 

- Sibukkan diri dengan perkara yang berfaedah, mendatangkan pahala. I could get easily absorbed when I get to watch movies or series at home. Ada laptop depan mata bukannya untuk menambahkan ilmu yang cetek didada, tapi sibuk layan cerita korea. Lalai dan leka tu selalu je kuasai diri ni. Raihana, tahun baru ni paling kurang setiap hari tu minimumkan masa tengok tv tu, kalau dulu selang seli tengok tv main laptop, tahun ni, tengok tv main laptop pagi, petang baca buku. You should push yourself Rai! You're not a kid anymore. No one will scold you that much like before. That's because you are big enough to differenciate between right and wrong.

 

2) Work hard to become a better ME

 

- Become a better daughter. Senangkan hati Mama Baba. Bila disuruh buat sesuatu, jangan lengah lengah. Sebanyak mana chores Mama bagi, jangan mengeluh. I should always bear in mind that saying the word 'umph' at my parents is already considered as a big sin. Enough of adding more to your sins Rai. Senangkan hati Mama Baba, with excellent results, by being a solihah daughter for them.

 

- Learn how to become a good cook. Hehe, alhamdulillah cuti panjang ni belajar masak la sket sket. Dapat la masak yang basics. But I still want to learn more, so that I could become an excellent cook when the 'time comes'. At least biarlah suami and anak anak nanti paling tak pun, bangga dengan masakan isteri and umminya. Lol

 

- Study smart, work hard! I'm entering IIUM insha Allah on Jan 28th. No more lazying around Rai, this stuff is serious. Insha Allah, try to be consistent with your GPA, at least 3.33 every semester. Probably it would be hard for you as you're taking 8 subjects next sem, unlike in foundation center. But if your friends out there who has already in a bigger campus could achieve as much as 3.9 CGPA, then you should struggle like them. Make my parents proud, that's it. Oh and whatever the success we strive, is for Islam. Wholly for Islam. So jadikanlah library tu nanti, rumah kedua k. Don't get easily fascinated with the pools :P

 

- Love life would be my marriage life. I want to fall in love after my marriage life. Jodoh tu di tangan Allah.Tapi belum masanya lagi. Mama bagi green light masa umur 23 tahun. Itupun kalau ada jodoh. Kepada bakal suami, sesiapaun anda, huhu bersiap sedialah, Baba and Mama ada set of questions to interview you =.=" Insha Allah, would like to use the time given, to prepare myself, in becoming an eligible bachelor- a wife.

 

- Become a much better sister. Kalau dulu mudah naik angin sebab adik2 suka sepahkan rumah or tak buat chores, insha Allah tahun ni jadi orang yang lebih bersabar sket. Biar marah tu pada tempatnya. Marah pada tempatnya bila ada manusia yang menghina Rasulullah SAW, bila ada golongan yang menolak Islam, bila ada golongan yang menentang Islam. Sebab tu Baba selalu pesan, bila kita marah and sedih, biar kerana Islam. Kalau selain daripada tu, hanya buang masa, buang tenaga, buang air mata. I should become more professional, and more 'high-class'. Kalau orang lain menangis sebab cinta, kenapa kita pun mesti begitu? Boleh untuk kita jadi remaja yang lain daripada yang lain. Remaja 'high-class' adalah remaja yang perwatakannya berbeza daripada remaja typical yang lain. I know some friends who doesn't go to movies or shopping for fun, but they seek usrah, and majlis ilmu for fun. They, really impress me. I'm not syaing that I don't watch movies (at home I mean) or go shopping (shopping is still my favourite), but I'm saying that we could minimalised all those. Besides, we shouldn't be spending on things that only give benefit to us. Seperti mereka yang boleh sacrifice masa dan tenaga serta wang ringgit untuk Islam, macam itulah kita patut jadi. Dalam kehidupan ni, kita kena pandai tapis. Ambil yang jernih, buang yang keruh. Yang baik jadikan tauladan, yang buruk jadikan sempadan. Yepp, that is remaja high-class. And you should be one, Rai. At least, you try.

- Improve my english. Yeah, I know that I repeatedly say 'bout improving my english, want to write better as my sister's, etc. But I am still yet to achieve the confidence in speaking in english. So anyway books that I want to read besides could improve my english would be John Grisham. Rayyan always babble saying that I should read his books if I'm to be a lawyer. I brought one, but eheh x habis baca lagi T_T I also would love to read The Hunger Games Trilogy by Susan Collins :D Rayyan dah bawak balik the whole set so I guess I could start reading the books by now. Buuut, of course selang seli dengan buku agama. Kalau ita boleh sparekan masa dengan membaca fictions, kenapa tidak boleh untuk buka agama yang mana ia lebih baik? Huhu. Soo, target habiskan buku hunger games trilogy and buku2 agama yang tertera diatas insha Allah before February 2013 ^^" Not to mention I'm yet to 'publish' my own fiction, The Last Time. For my faithful readers, insha Allah The Last Time would be 'published' here at my 'le humble blog' within December. Sorry guys, serious kena ada mood bila nak menulis. Huhu

 

I think that's for now. If I think of more azam to add, I'm sure will continue my entry. Before I end, I would like to share this important text message that I received from a dear friend of mine, Puteri.

 

"Salam dear brothers and sisters. Last night our beloved Gaza was again attacked by the zionists laknatullah. Ketua tentera Hamas, Ahmed Jabari has syahid and Gaza is now declaring an open war. The sea is filled with warships and the skies are filled with jets. On this new year's day, let us make a duas not only for a better year, but also for our brotehrs and sisters in Palestine, who sacrifice their life, everyday to protect our holy land. To the solidatory of ummah. ALLAHUAKBAR!"

 

-Puteri, 10.52 am, 15 Nov 2012

 

 

99 Names of Allah SWT

 

"Sesungguhnya ALLAH memiliki 99 nama, seratus kurang satu, sesiapa yang menghitungnya (menghafalnya) akan masuk syurga."

 

-Sahih: Hadis daripada Abu Hurairah radiallahu anhu, dikeluarkan oleh Ahmad, al-Bukhari, Muslim dan lain-lain, lihat Sahih al-Bukhari no: 7392 (Kitab Tauhid, Bab Sesungguhnya ALLAH memiliki 100 nama kurang satu). Dalam kurungan adalah salah satu daripada lafaz Muslim, lihat Sahih Muslim no: 2677.

Kemusykilan:Benarkah hanya dengan menghafal nama-nama ALLAH sahaja, seseorang itu akan masuk syurga ?

Penjelasan:
Hadis di atas termasuk dalam kumpulan hadis-hadis Fadhilat, iaitu yang menerangkan keutamaan mengamalkan sesuatu perkara yang baik atau meninggalkan sesuatu perkara yang buruk. Sesiapa yang mengamalkan hadis-hadis fadhilat akan memperoleh ganjaran yang dijanjikannya dengan syarat-syarat berikut.

 



	Allah (الله)	The Greatest Name
2	Ar-Rahman (الرحمن)	The All-Compassionate
3	Ar-Rahim (الرحيم)	The All-Merciful
4	Al-Malik (الملك)	The Absolute Ruler
5	Al-Quddus (القدوس)	The Pure One
6	As-Salam (السلام)	The Source of Peace
7	Al-Mu’min (المؤمن)	The Inspirer of Faith
8	Al-Muhaymin (المهيمن)	The Guardian
9	Al-Aziz (العزيز)	The Victorious
10	Al-Jabbar (الجبار)	The Compeller
11	Al-Mutakabbir (المتكبر)	The Greatest
12	Al-Khaliq (الخالق)	The Creator
13	Al-Bari’ (البارئ)	The Maker of Order
14	Al-Musawwir (المصور)	The Shaper of Beauty
15	Al-Ghaffar (الغفار)	The Forgiving
16	Al-Qahhar (القهار)	The Subduer
17	Al-Wahhab (الوهاب)	The Giver of All
18	Ar-Razzaq (الرزاق)	The Sustainer
19	Al-Fattah (الفتاح)	The Opener
20	Al-`Alim (العليم)	The Knower of All
21	Al-Qabid (القابض)	The Constrictor
22	Al-Basit (الباسط)	The Reliever
23	Al-Khafid (الخافض)	The Abaser
24	Ar-Rafi (الرافع)	The Exalter
25	Al-Mu’izz (المعز)	The Bestower of Honors
26	Al-Mudhill (المذل)	The Humiliator
27	As-Sami (السميع)	The Hearer of All
28	Al-Basir (البصير)	The Seer of All
29	Al-Hakam (الحكم)	The Judge
30	Al-`Adl (العدل)	The Just
31	Al-Latif (اللطيف)	The Subtle One
32	Al-Khabir (الخبير)	The All-Aware
33	Al-Halim (الحليم)	The Forbearing
34	Al-Azim (العظيم)	The Magnificent
35	Al-Ghafur (الغفور)	The Forgiver and Hider of Faults
36	Ash-Shakur (الشكور)	The Rewarder of Thankfulness
37	Al-Ali (العلى)	The Highest
38	Al-Kabir (الكبير)	The Greatest
39	Al-Hafiz (الحفيظ)	The Preserver
40	Al-Muqit (المقيت)	The Nourisher
41	Al-Hasib (الحسيب)	The Accounter
42	Al-Jalil (الجليل)	The Mighty
43	Al-Karim (الكريم)	The Generous
44	Ar-Raqib (الرقيب)	The Watchful One
45	Al-Mujib (المجيب)	The Responder to Prayer
46	Al-Wasi (الواسع)	The All-Comprehending
47	Al-Hakim (الحكيم)	The Perfectly Wise
48	Al-Wadud (الودود)	The Loving One
49	Al-Majid (المجيد)	The Majestic One
50	Al-Ba’ith (الباعث)	The Resurrector
51	Ash-Shahid (الشهيد)	The Witness
52	Al-Haqq (الحق)	The Truth
53	Al-Wakil (الوكيل)	The Trustee
54	Al-Qawiyy (القوى)	The Possessor of All Strength
55	Al-Matin (المتين)	The Forceful One
56	Al-Waliyy (الولى)	The Governor
57	Al-Hamid (الحميد)	The Praised One
58	Al-Muhsi (المحصى)	The Appraiser
59	Al-Mubdi’ (المبدئ)	The Originator
60	Al-Mu’id (المعيد)	The Restorer
61	Al-Muhyi (المحيى)	The Giver of Life
62	Al-Mumit (المميت)	The Taker of Life
63	Al-Hayy (الحي)	The Ever Living One
64	Al-Qayyum (القيوم)	The Self-Existing One
65	Al-Wajid (الواجد)	The Finder
66	Al-Majid (الماجد)	The Glorious
67	Al-Wahid (الواحد)	The One, the All Inclusive, The Indivisible
68	As-Samad (الصمد)	The Satisfier of All Needs
69	Al-Qadir (القادر)	The All Powerful
70	Al-Muqtadir (المقتدر)	The Creator of All Power
71	Al-Muqaddim (المقدم)	The Expediter
72	Al-Mu’akhkhir (المؤخر)	The Delayer
73	Al-Awwal (الأول)	The First
74	Al-Akhir (الأخر)	The Last
75	Az-Zahir (الظاهر)	The Manifest One
76	Al-Batin (الباطن)	The Hidden One
77	Al-Wali (الوالي)	The Protecting Friend
78	Al-Muta’ali (المتعالي)	The Supreme One
79	Al-Barr (البر)	The Doer of Good
80	At-Tawwab (التواب)	The Guide to Repentance
81	Al-Muntaqim (المنتقم)	The Avenger
82	Al-’Afuww (العفو)	The Forgiver
83	Ar-Ra’uf (الرؤوف)	The Clement
84	Malik-al-Mulk (مالك الملك)	The Owner of All
85	Dhu-al-Jalal wa-al-Ikram (ذو الجلال و الإكرام)	The Lord of Majesty and Bounty
86	Al-Muqsit (المقسط)	The Equitable One
87	Al-Jami’ (الجامع)	The Gatherer
88	Al-Ghani (الغنى)	The Rich One
89	Al-Mughni (المغنى)	The Enricher
90	Al-Mani’(المانع)	The Preventer of Harm
91	Ad-Darr (الضار)	The Creator of The Harmful
92	An-Nafi’ (النافع)	The Creator of Good
93	An-Nur (النور)	The Light
94	Al-Hadi (الهادي)	The Guide
95	Al-Badi (البديع)	The Originator
96	Al-Baqi (الباقي)	The Everlasting One
97	Al-Warith (الوارث)	The Inheritor of All
98	Ar-Rashid (الرشيد)	The Righteous Teacher
99	As-Sabur (الصبور)	The Patient One



The Current Project & FAQs

Bismillahirrahmanirraheem

 

 

Assalamualaikum w.b.t . May Allah bless us always, in the world and Hereafter.

 

Alhamdulillah, I finally get to 'release' my fiction's prologue :D Hope you guys would err enjoy, reading it, ehe, although you cannot possibly tell what's The Last Time would turned out to be like. In this entry I shall tell you some important bits of my current 'project', The Last Time.

 

1- What is "The Last Time" all about? The Prologue doesn't help much :P

 

Well, of course I never expect the prologue could explain the whole story to all of you! The Last Time brings you guys to the life of two teenagers, or should I say young adults, because the two important duo tells you guys a life story between the age 19 until mid-twenties. The whole story revolves around a girl named, Nadhia, a medical student of IIUM and a boy named Im, also a medical student in the same university. If you read the prologue, some of you guys might try to figure out the storyline of this fiction, about Nadhia or Nad being so-called abused or Im who supposedly really care about Nadhia. Well, just wait and see, and read the whole story later, you guys will find out The Last Time is something much more than that :)

 

2- Are they many characters in the fiction?

 

Not much. I 'create' Nadhia who doesn't hang around with much friends, and her family is not big, besides Im, also doesn't revolves around much people. Besides that, there are a few minor characters which helps the story to expand and develop.

 

3- Why do you named your first-ever-going-to-publish (publish at the blog) fiction with the tittle "The Last Time"? Does it have any connection with your own life?

 

Haha. To be honest, I took a week or so to think of a suitable tittle, because when I first got this idea to actually 'write' the fiction -which, fyi, the storyline has been lingering inside my head for like few months ago!- I cannot make out the ending part of the storyline, because you see, the ideas on the characters and their characteristics also the backgrounds, were not static, I mean, sometimes I feel like the story should be this way, and some other time I think that the story should turn out to be another way round.

 

So while I was writing the story-typing- I need to have certain moods to carry on with the storyline. Because The Last Time has mostly sad parts, so in order for me to bring out the sad atmosphere around me I usually end up turn on some of the "right" songs. It's 'interesting' to note that I enjoyed listening to Taylor Swift's song entittled The Last Time, which she paired up with Gary Lightbody, a member of one of my favourite band, Snow Patrol, when I write my story. And the next thing I knew I was saying to myself: hey this song's tittle could be my story's tittle, something like that. A 'tribute' to the song that gives me the mood - hehe no, of course I thank Him for giving me the opportunity to write about the story. Because the genre is Hlovate-like but not that similar, I would like to stress that my fiction is nothing compared to Hlovate's but I want to challenge myself writing a story that brings lots of messages for readers, especially with Quranic and Hadeeth verses, besides other motivational quotes.

 

The Last Time does, in some way, have connection with my life. But the storyline is in the whole, a fiction. It's not based totally on a real life story or something like that. So I hope readers won't judge me based on this story.

 

4- Is "The Last Time" totally written by you? Or you seek help from other sources?

 

It is, totally written or 'typed' by me, but the story on the whole, on the context of its writings, wasn't wholly from my choice of words. I take the books from our home's shelves as guidelines. I would like to give credits to Hlovate's Versus for the words of wisdoms also Fathi Yakan's Mazha Yakni An Intimai Islam for the very beautiful messages, plus Lurlene McDaniel's Always and Forever, for the information on the medical facts. Later you guys will encounter many medical facts eheheh. Just wait!

 

5- What do you want to say about the names of your characters that you had chose?

 

Well all of the names belongs to the people who are around me.

 

6- Will you continue to write another fiction?

 

Writing is a passion that I've been hoping it to develop :) Insha Allah, I would love to write more stories, but I'm a kind who need moods to write. That's among other reason that The Last Time is scheduled to release quite late, well later than you people might expect after the 'release' of the prologue. I still haven't finished writing, just so you know ^^" But don't worry, I'll try to finish as soon as possible.

 

Anymore questions? Please enquire it to my FB or twitter. Thank you ! :)

The Last Time by Raihana Nadhira

 

 

PROLOGUE

 

 

(Im)

 

I met her again, however this second time was longer, and we actually sat and talked, well, discussed is a better word, because we sat and discussed in a meeting held among others, pertaining to our student society – the Medical Student Association. I came fifteen minutes late, and as I entered into the room, the meeting already started, and my course mates were sitting in a circle –because we don’t have a round table so yeah- I found an empty seat next to my friend, Kam, and I sat, and looked in front of me, and I saw that girl. And during the meeting, we actually discussed together, I supported her points, and she supported mine, I looked at her in a different perspective. A new perspective of her that I somehow like.

-----------------------

 

I would have done something the next day, on Nad’s sake, but Am caught me on hold, he got injured during his rugby practice, and he needed further treatment, which later caused him to have 20 stiches on his knee. Alhamdulillah he’s fine now, and he assured me by saying “Go and solve your Nad’s problem. This is the first time I’ve seen you cannot solve an equation. Nad is surely pretty tough one. Ha-ha” I threw at him hard, a pillow, and if he hadn’t fallen injured, I would have done more, I flinched when he laughed. But I can’t possibly do that when he doesn’t even know the other side of Nad’s story. He said that because he thought I have a crush on Nad or something. Which I, don’t. I realized that I’d been staring at the book too long now. I grab my Blackberry, and start texting.

 

 

(Nad)

 

I had my headphones on and The All American Rejects’ It Ends Tonight hit the play button. I was deeply engaging myself with Jude by Kate Morgenroth, a very good read that I would recommend to my peers. And as I got to the part where Jude is accused of murdering his own father, I heard a loud crash downstairs, which caused me to abruptly stand up from my bed and head towards the stairs. I heard a loud thump sound this time, and as I peeked from above, I found out the crash was from the glass vase, among the two of our only glass vase in this house, and the loud thump was from the books that has already lain on the floor. There are lots of books, our old textbooks, which we never bother to keep it nicely arranged, and now they are strewn everywhere among the broken pieces of glass. I saw my sister crying and sniffing and the one who caused all these, yelled at her, asking why all of us could not keep the house in a good state; her voice is full of rage. This is not the first time. I closed my eyes shut and try to control my anger. Suddenly waves of the past memories hit me, and as I opened my eyes, I was 12 again.

---------------------

 

“Is there anything wrong Miss Lisa, because I’ve got Microbiology in less than 15 minutes. I haven’t performed my Zuhr yet.” Impatient and apprehensiveness outgrew me. What’s with the look? “That’s what I want you to tell me, Nadhia.” She walked out of her desk and crouches in front of me, and patted my hand, as one might stroke a frightened child.  “My dear, there are laws protecting children from parental abuse.” “E-Excuse me?” I was dumbfounded. The counsellor offered an indulgent, all-knowing half-smile. “The bruises, on your legs and arms have been reported Nadhia. You can tell me the truth, is anyone hurting you at home?”



October 30th

#np the last time

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

Why hellooooo there!! It has been awhile now since I last posted here. Sorry, things kept piling up and I've got myself involved with almost everything everywhere, well not trying to imply that I'm that busy, but just that busy in don't have that much time to update a new entry, or at least any posts that would benefit you readers. Some of my good ol pals have been anticipating me to post new entries, and knowing that I'm just so enthralled (lol x payah nak enthralled sangat) to write again. I just wished that this mood of blogging of mine could hang on there with me for awhile because whenever I felt I want to blog something, there're always something I would love to share with all of you :D I hope after few entries I could get myself addicted to blogging like I used to *ehem instead being addictive to twitter (I cannot escape from joining the 'fun of following the trends' . So anyway, on this blissful morning of Tuesday, with myself take care of the house while my parents are away for work, Razeen is at school, Rayyan and Raihan at asrama, and myself waiting for the murtabak to defrost itself before I heat it up, insha Allah I will start 'dusting' this blog. Seriously, sorry for all the cough you'd got, I understand that the dusts couldn't get any dustier than this (2 months plus of not dusting, that's why) .

So, lots and lots of important things that I would like to share with all of you wonderful peeps ; )

1. Jan 28, Marks the Real Battle

It's October 30th, and today is equivalent to a week of holidays already gone from my holidays until Jan 28th. Yepp, I've got that long of holidays! Alhamdulillah just finished my final exams, and the final exams, are the final exams that I'm ever going to take at CFS IIUM, PJ. Yepp, I've graduated. Alhamdulillah I'm officially no longer a foundation student who shall return and carry weighty and mighty bags to the fourth floor! =.=" Our last paper was Introduction to Islamic Law, alhamdulillah, I managed to answer the questions, but right now we just cannot stop praying, our result is coming out this December, I think. And after that, applying scholarships shall be the next important thing. Please pray for us, and I would love to try in some of the interviews -.- So this long holidays of mine, you guys might think I will be spending my days with the typical sleep-eat-pray-tv-blogging-twitter habits, although I myself expected myself to spend them that way (eheh) but I thought that I need to boost myself a bit, no, boost myself as much as I could, curbing the laziness that could envelops me until I can't breathe (ahah exaggerate much) . No, seriously, if I don't make a myself a what-to-do list, won't I become among le lazy bump until Jan 28th and would find myself eventually, hard to stand from the couch, and would eventually gain more weight? (I gained 2 kg already! :O *stress stress ) So her goes my so called what to do list:

- belajar masak (last two days I was at my Tok's house, and I learned the basic menus, plus Nasi Kerabu ;D (hehe my bonus!) )

- finish reading at least 1 book either from the late Fathi Yakan and Dr Yusuf Al Qaradhawi - Mazha Yakni and Fiqh Al Alawiyat - 2 books that I think shall prepare me mentally, physically, and spiritually by the Real Battle. Insha Allah

- keep posting new entries (especially for all of you wonderful peeps)

- less sleeping and more exercising (less jumping unnecessirily, my height is already 5'7" ! And besides, my ankle could not fit into any jumping activities T_T) (less eating? No, I don't think so)

- less tv and less watching korean series - -"

- finish doing chores at most 1 and half hour before my parents arrive home ^^"

- do something about my face

- improve my desperate-need-for-improvement english

- read at least one John Grisham book (any law students should have a dib from this author)

- update with current issues

- revise foundation law subjects , sort all the notes and stuff

And the list keeps going on and on. But the above list are just some important things I should conform to. The tarbiyah of not being lazy is a must for me this hols, I could not afford any culture shock after Jan 28th.

The Real Battle on Jan 28th, is entering main campus at Gombak. I heard from my friend who's her friend has already entered there, she said that the life there is quite tough, especially for law students pursuing shariah *gulp beribu kali and for those who aim to pursue shariah law after finishing civil law degree should always always put high concern with arabic language. But among other news, the life there couldn't be more awesome :D Excited-nervous feelings at the same time really bug me, but I really hope to have a smooth sail at Gombak, although I shall expects some challenges, I shall need to be toughh. Huhu. Support and motivations from all of you would help. And I realized that I won't be able to update my beloved blog after Jan 28th so often *tsk tsk :'/ Whatever it is, I seek all of your prayers, to pray for my friends and I, to become a successful student, who aim for success for the sake of the betterness of our ummah, for Islam. Insha Allah, doakan kami istiqamah dengan perjuangan kami. And never forget that usrah is part of our list, and not something that we could tolerate to not to attend or conduct.

Insha Allah I'll enter IIUM Gombak this Jan 28th, with new resolutions. Degree life would be much tougher, and I should always expect that. For my dear friends who are still struggling at CFS, all the best always, Insha Allah see you at Gombak, we'll be welcoming all you ! ;D

#np everything has changed

2. Le Wedding

Soo,  Nov 10th marks a magical date (I've got no other magical words) and I shall be the bunga telur girl ^^" Insha Allah my oldest cousin, Kak Nabihah, will get married. Alhamdulillah, finally, after a few months of engagement, they will finally tie the knot insha Allah. The two wonderful doctors finally get to experience the bliss of marriage (huhu gaya macam dah kahwin)~ I think after this few days, I'll head over to my Pak Long's house, to help them with anything, and I know everyone is pretty busy these days. The wedding reception will be held at two different occasions after the solemnization, and I shall be one of the important 'charaders' . If I have the permission, I would be importing pictures at Raiot! So just wait ;D

3. SPM

Dear Rayyan,

All the best dear. Don't stress yourself! Banyakkan zikir, doa, solat sunat. baca quran, macam semua orang pesan. Take care of your health. Buatlah qiyam, try to wake up early, so meaning that you have to sleep early. Sleep early to rise early. Ingat, buat exam ni bukan semata-mata aim to get straight A's or A +, but to achieve them so that you could contribute for Islam. Getting excellent results but your aim just to get the pleasure afterwards won't be enough. Insha Allah, whatever your ambition is, I will always support you. Nak exam ni, read fast notes je if you know what I mean. Insha Allah I will try to visit you before your exam, and if I could, during your exam. You will see some of your friends' parents will be there during the exam days, supporting them, but bear deep in your mind, mama and baba are always there supporting you, just that both of them cannot spend that time because other things must be put as priority. So don't get discouraged, but banyakkan zikir, until masuk dewan. Banyakkan selawat. May Allah ease everything for all of you. Your family here will aways pray for you and your friends. I'm sure mama already ask tok to perform sunat hajat for you and husna already. Take care dear. Be strong. It's just another battle that you have to pass through, just like you had encountered PMR and UPSR, UPSRA a few years ago, except that this battle is tougher, and need lots of your guts.

With Love,

Akak xoxo

4. Le Love Story

A Husband Like My Father Part 2 coming soon!

5. On Fiction

Did I mentioned that I could be so head over heels when it comes to writing? Well, just in case I didn't, then I could be so head over heels when it comes to writing. Hehe. So, I'm currently writing a fiction, but I cannot confirm the tittle yet cause currently cannot think of any suitable, eye catching tittle. So anyway, the genre is not, romance (what?! eww) and not even thriller (oh I wish I could own a genius mind) hmm, I myself couldn't make out the genre of my story, oh well, you readers could judge it yourself later. It is expected to finish as soon as possible (ehe, ASAP in my dictionary is quite late somehow) so just expects it to 'appear' here sooner or later.

So I hope all of you are in good condition. Please take care of yourself. Keep praying and reciting qunut nazilah for our brothers and sisters out there, Palestine, Syria, Rohingya, Chechnya, Filipina, Guantanamo Bay, wa fi kulli makan wa zaman. Got to end now. Tummy grumbles already, got to have breakfast. And it's murtabak pisang ! yay! Sayonara for now :D

Bismillahirrahamanirraheem.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t peeps ! :D Alhamdulillah wa syukurillah, all praise to Allah, for He had given me the chance to blog, pertaining to the celeration month of syawwal. Ramadhan has left us, let's pray so that the essence of Ramadhan would still linger within us, let's pray so that we could be istiqamah with our ibadahs, and pray: "allahumma bariklana fi syawwal".





Eid Fitr is one of the two great Islamic festivals, the other being Eid-ul-Adha. Its importance can be judged from the fact that Almighty Allah Himself ordered the believers to celebrate it. It is celebrated at the end of the month of fasting (Ramadan) and has a special significance for the Muslim society. Holy Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.) established the Islamic equal society, free of all kinds of exploitation and corruption, and maintaining the blessedness of this society was made the obligation of the believers in every age. For this purpose, the holy month of fasting (Ramadan) was selected to help prepare believers for this responsibility. In this training, during the specific fasting periods believers are required to refrain from enjoying such things, which are otherwise lawful for them.

The purpose of this exercise is mentioned in the following verse of the Holy Quran: "So that you may learn restraint." (2:183)

Believers happily obey these injunctions to please Almighty Allah. Such an exercise has pleasant effects on the practical life of believers and, in their practical life, helps them refrain from adopting corrupt ways.

Some jurists maintain that Itikaf (Etekaaf) during the last 10 days of the month of Ramadan is also a part of this training. In this worship, the believer confines himself in a mosque for the specified period of time.

The Islamic society, established in the light of the above teachings was a symbol of the greatness of Almighty Allah on this earth. Actually it was a gigantic achievement, which deserved all kinds of rejoicing. That is why Almighty Allah Himself asked the believers to enjoy this occasion, In this respect the Holy Quran says: "Say in the grace of Allah and in His mercy in that they should rejoice." (Chapter Yunus, Verse 58)

The celebration of the festival of Eid Fitr is itself a model of an egalitarian Islamic society, and Holy Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.) best explained this model by his personal example. It is reported that he used to wear a special dress to grace the occasion, but it was never a costly one and was always within the reach of everybody. Once Umar brought a costly dress for him requesting him to wear it on Eid days and other ceremonial occasions. Holy Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.) immediately returned the dress observing that it did not behave a believer to wear such a costly dress. The result was that all the Companions dressed simply on this occasion and consequently this simplicity became a symbol of the Islamic society.

By dressing simply on this happiest occasion of Eid Fitr, Holy Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.) solved the issue of the second basic need of the society.

The third basic need of society is food. Today this need has attained such an importance that it results in political change in many developing countries. By taking various steps, Holy Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.) ensured that nobody was deprived of this basic need in the Islamic society. But the situation on festivals is usually different. On this day, everybody tries to enjoy special dishes, which normally the poor cannot afford. Holy Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.) held this point in view, and he made such an efficient arrangement that not only was good food guaranteed for all the poor of the society on that day, but also some of their other needs were met. He ordered the rich believers to pay a fixed amount of money to the poor on that day or before that day. This is known as "Sadaqa-ul-Fitr (Zakat-e-Fitr)", and its rate varies according to the price of grain.

A huge amount of money can be collected under this system which may be sufficient to meet the needs of the poor on this day, and some of it may be saved to meet their needs in other difficult times.

(http://www.qul.org.au/islamic-occasions/eid-ul-fitr/1112-eid-in-muslim-society-eid-fitr-celebration)

Hari Raya Eid Fitr is not an adat, a tradition like most of our people today thought so, but a syariat. And like what Ustaz Syed Abdul Kadir al Joofre mentioned before in his ceramah, he said that when the muslims takbir, acknowledging Allah's greatness, they should takbir which signifies success, glory, not sadness and in sorrow. Why? Because this is to imply that we have obtained much pahala, blessings and glory during the holy fasting month, and that we have won His rahmah and barakah. Of course, despite the intention that all of us had planted into our hearts, that is to gain lots of pahala during puasa, but as weak human beings, we are inevitable from commiting sins and mistakes, but if we keep on performing inaabah and tawbah or conduct good deeds to replace our bad deeds and perform repentance, insha Allah, we may also become part of the family of winners on the first day of Syawwal.

It is also important to note that, we should bear in mind as Eid Fitr is a syariat, of course the way of celebrating it must conform with syariah. Covering the aurah, does not bersalam salaman with non mahrams, and take good care of ikhtilat or the relationship between man and woman. These are among the basics that we should take note in celebrating this festive month.



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Anyway, I'm sorry if my current posts are not as interesting as before (err dulu interesting ke?) and some of you guys who occasionally drop by to read my entries may be disappointed. But I'm trying my best to work on interesting posts for you honourable readers to spend your precious time on ;)

Eid Mubarak! Semoga Syawwal tahun ini lebih baik daripada sebelumnya. May Allah bless us always. Maaf zahir & batin. I apologize for any mistakes. Please accept my apologie.

Sincerely,
Raihana Nadhira.

ps. all of the eid fitr pics are my work hehe
pss. doakan raihana punya result mid term exam after raya! eeeeps!

Reblogging The Past

25th March 2012

A Husband Like My Father

Bismillahirrahmanirraheem.

I guess it has been awhile since I've last posted about my life in regards to love and future. Just a short post (I hope, if my fingers could possiby stop typing) .

If Allah wills it, and I really really hope is to have a husband like my father. Alhamdulillah, I couldn't stop thanking Him more for giving me the chance to have my dad as my father. I couldn't stop being grateful to Him more for every moments that I'd shared and insha Allah going to share with my dad. Every blissful moments, every moments that are always meaningful.

My dad is my first love. As for a guy who involved in my life. His love and care to all of us siblings really made me feel that I'm always special. Although I have two other sisters, who are also my dad's 'beautiful princesses' and a brother, my parents' hero, I seem to feel that I'm my dad's only special princess. If you can imagine, how my dad's love and care and tenderness but also strictness in regards to religion, had made me feel so loved, so being cared for.

My dad taught me about Islam since small. Alhamdulillah. The five compulsory prayers, as salaah, fasting during the month of ramadhan, the holy Quran and basic islamic teachings had been taught and inculcated in all of us since little. Not to forget my mom, who is also a wonderful help. My dad would conduct usrah at least once a week. He would talk about hadeeth that he'd just read or learned from a ceramah that he went or from Ustaz. Or we would learn about tawheed during our family usrah which is usually conducted after maghrib. Or any other fundamentals of Islam.

When any of us falls sick,  he would first feed us with honey or habatus sauda as Rasulullah (PBUH) had said, habatus sauda could cure any disease but death. Then my dad wold say, "If you fall sick, I would feel the sickness too. I would be very worried of you. So please take care of you health. Don't forget to eat the honey, it's very good for your health. Don't forget to drink water 8 times a day." when we cry, my dad would say " don't cry, because I would cry too" "If any of you feel sad, baba would feel sad too".

He taught us that niat lillahita'ala is very important. If we cover our aurah because of him "then if I die, you won't be covering your aurah anymore. Because I won't be here to scold you". Whatever that he's taught us, about Islam, my dad said to do it because Allah had told us to do it. Not him. So that we could be istiqamah in everything that we do.

When I feel down because of my results, my tears never fail to wet his shirt. I would always be in his hugs, and his words of tenderness calms me always. "Let this be your starting point to become better in the future. True muslims won't fall into the same hole twice. Let this be a lesson to you. Study hard. Make your parents proud of you" "Allah is always there for you. Cry to Him. He will always listen." He is always fond of kids. He would never fail to greet us in his arms with warm hugs and showers us with kisses. Until now, he would kiss my cheeks or forehead whenever he send me to or picked me from the university.

Alhamdulillah. Whenever I'm with him and my mom, I'm happy. Although we have our ups and downs, I'm just grateful to Him because He'd gave me the chance to be in this family. Wealth is never the key to happiness. My family is just average. But the important facet has always been knowledge. A family should be filled with islamic teachings and knowledge and love. I couldn't imagine my life without my dad, without my mom. To my friends who don't have a dad or a mom, or even both, I'm so overwhelmed with the strong hearts that you guys owned. I know that someday, a day will come when either me or my parents will go and meet our God. But for me, I hope I would go first. I don't know if I'm able to bear if I lose them.

How is it my husband should be like my father? First is that you're not a smoker =P I can't stand and accept silent killer. Secondly, you should be religious, you perform your prayers, you would teach me further to become a much better muslim. You can teach our children insha Allah to become much much better muslims than us. And then of course, you must not hate children. Because insha Allah, I would never mind to have many children because like my parents and my grandparents and everyone around me always say that children is nikmah, or rezeki. They are the true wealth in a family. Fourthly, you take care of your family just like my father took care of my family or maybe better. You would respect my dad, my mom just like you respect your parents. My dad loves to talk, especially about Islam or politics. Hope you could know much about things around you so that you could get the chance to have your say too ^^" You should be strong and strict on Islamic matters. And Islam should be the utmost priority in your life. Allah's orders should be in the most top chart in your life. Not me, not our children.

Insha Allah I will try my best to become the best wife for you. If you are wealthy, then that's just a bonus for me. If you're not, then we could work something out, together. Allah won't burden us with something that we couldn't bear. I hope I'm not too picky ^^"

"You" is someone I myself cannot figure out, yet. May Allah bless us all.

November 26th,2011

If I Die Young : Pre- Death Note (Part 1)

Sometimes when I waste my time on simply thinking,

thinking about everything,

every aspect of my life,

I had been thinking about me leaving this world.

How will my life ends?

Of course I don't have answer to that.

But how would I like my life to end?

I know that I myself have the answer to that question.

I don't know about you or anyone who wants to die young,

as far as I know almost everyone wants to live long.

I, myself prayed for that,

to live long I mean.

I don't think I have much experiences.

I think by going through those experiences,

I'll learn about life better.

I really want to become a successful lawyer.

Although right now I'm not sure what kind of lawyer that I would like to be.

But I really want the experiences that I will get being a lawyer.

I really want to marry early and experience the life as a wife.

I want to become a mother and have my own kids.

I want to live happily ever after with my own family.

I know that by dreaming to have those kinds of experiences,

age is one of the biggest factor that could help me achieve those wonderful moments.

I know that by wanting those kinds of moments,

only His wills could accomplish those for me.

Insha Allah, I entrusted my prayers to Him,

I believe in happiness.

I believe in His words in the verse 186 Surah Al Baqarah.

But what if I die young?

If I die young,

as young as 20,

as young as now,

of course it's obvious that I wouldn't be living the moments that I really wanted to indulge in.

Like I said I'd thought about this,

I'd made some unwritten plans.

Make some plans that although I couldn't achieve my dreams that will possibly happen after my teen years,

I should live happy despite my body slowly welcoming death.

I don't know when I'm going to die.

I don't know where I'm going to die.

I don't know who will see me die.

I don't know all that to make a highly organized plan for me to be a happy person who will die young.

But I know one thing,

I should live according to the Holy Quran.

I should live according to Allah's words.

My plans?
Insha Allah from now on,
I'm aiming to become a better daughter.
To become a better sister.
To become a better student.
To become a better Muslim.
Every day must be a new day for me.
Every day must be better than yesterday.
Ya Allah,
Please help me for I'm weak.
Please forgive my sins for I'm vulnerable to devil's whispers.
Please answer my prayers for You're the only One who can answer them.
No God beside You,
The Almighty The Great.

If I die young,

I really want my family,

mama, baba, rayyan, raihan and razeen,

to know what exactly have been lingering inside my mind.

I've been wanting to say all these,

but my throat and lips would suddenly become dry.

I would swallow all the words,

and I don't know when will be the day for me to speak up.
But right now,
I think it's the best time for me to actually write all of it.

Mama,

you don't know how grateful I was to you as my mother.

I thank Allah that my mother is you.

Baba,

you don't know how lucky I was to have you as my superman.

I thank Allah that my father is you.

I'm sorry for every mistakes that I'd done to both of you.

I'm sorry if I ever make you sad,

make you mad.

I'm sorry if I don't act like a daughter,

I'm sorry for not listening to your words well.

I'm sorry for the failures that I caused you.

I'm sorry if I'd torn your hearts in two.

I'm sorry for not being the smartest kid in town.

I'm sorry if I'd tear you down.

I'm sorry for not having the chances to buy a wonderful house,

to take both of you to Mecca again,

to travel the world with both of you,

with the money that I'll earn.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Thank you for everything, ma, ba.

Thank you for all of the wonderful and happy moments that both of you had shared with me.

Thank you for preaching words of Islam to me ever since I was born.

Thank you for the good foods both of you fed me.

Thank you for being the Superbaba and Wondermama in my life.

Insha Allah 'till we meet again.

To my siblings,

rayyan,raihan and razeen.

I'm sorry for all the shouting and angry words.

I'm sorry for being a lousy big sister.

I'm sorry if I'd done wrong to you guys.

I'm sorry if I'd caused you guys in trouble for what I did.

I'm sorry for not being able to keep being your big sister,

who will always be there to comfort you with hugs and to wipe your tears.

Please take care of ba and ma for me.

Please keep being good muslim girls and boy.

Please take care of yourselves.

My dear baby brother,

take care of our family when I'm gone.

Don't ever smoke, don't play around with girls.

Don't be like the usual guys you shall meet in the future,

be the unusual guys who hang out in His home.

Your responsibilities are big, sweetie.

Please take care of yourself.

I'm sorry again adik adik akak.

Thank you for enlightened my world,

with your laughters, your smiles and your worlds that you guys had been willing to share them with me.

Thank you for everything.

Insha Allah, 'till we meet again.

To my big family,

I'm sorry for any of my wrong doings,

I'm sorry for everything.

Please forgive me,

please take care of my family well.

To Sarah, Nadia, Husna, Munirah, Ahmad,

you guys are among my favourite cousins that always there for me.

I'm sorry for any wrong doings,

and thank you so very much for everything.

The kindness, the supports, the moments.

I love each and every one of you,
really.

Pray for me always.
Please never stop pray for me.
So Allah forgive my sins.

 

December 10th, 2011

If I Die Young : Pre- Death Note (Part 2)

Honestly,

it's kinda hard for me to pour out the feelings that I had kept inside my heart,

the blend of feelings that I've had when I'm with my friends,

my friends that had willing to sacrifice their time, energy and almost everything,

just to be there for me,

just to comfort me when I'm feeling low,

just to make me laugh and made my day,

just to make me feel special,

just to be my friend.

I thank Him for all the chances that I'd get to know all of them,

such special people,

such wonderful friends.

Since small,

I've never failed to make friends.

Alhamdulillah all of my friends,

they really really made my day,

although we've gone through tears and fights,

in the end of the day,

we will be holding hands with each other,

trying to create another memory,

with Blissful entitled to it.

I'm sorry,

friends,

for every wrong doings that I'd done to you guys,

for every moments that I'd failed to be there for all of you as a friend,

for every moment that I'd failed to help all of you when you needed me the most,

for every mistakes, and every hurting words,

and I'm sorry if I couldn't help to ease all of your burden,

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

will all of you forgive me?

Will all of you remember me as a good friend,

despite my mistakes,

despite my wrong doings,

I know that not all of you can forgive me if I'd done wrong to any of you.

I'm sorry that I'm easily forgetful,

if I couldn't be there to comfort all of you on time,

and apologize on time,

before your hearts torn deep,

because of me.

I'm terribly sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Thank you to all of my friends,

for every laughter,

for every joy,

for every happy moments,

for every meaningful moments,

for every support,

for every pray,

for everything.

Thank you very much friends.

All I need later is continuous pray,

for me from all of you.

Thank you my friends for everything.

To write down every moments that we'd shared here,

although it'll be wonderful to replay it, it'll be a long story.

It's not that I mind if I get to share our moments together to the world,

so that everyone could be envious of me,

it's just that every moments all of us had shared together,

have so many chapters and only be fair if the story been told from all of us together.

I'll never forget every moments,

sad, happy, tearful, joyful, moments with all of you.

Thank you again for everything.

To my primary school friends at Sekolah Rendah Islam Pintar,
Class of 7 Al- Farabi and,
especially to Nabihah, Anis, Nur Aisyah, Atikah, Farhana, Hanif, Naim, Azim.

To my secondary school friends at Sekolah Menengah Taman Ilmu dan Budi,
Class of 1,2,3 Al- Farabi, my mentees, and,
especially to Husna, Kyra, Qila, Hanani, Tera, Alia, Aisyah, Kak Fatin, Fatin naqiya, Nana,
Zaid, Mawi, Zafran, Rizwan, Arief.

To my secondary school friends at Sekolah Menengah Sri Aman,
Class of 4 Sains Bakti and ,
especially to Amiera, Syahira, Adha, Iman, Sabrina.

To my secondary school friends at Sekolah Menegah Kebangsaa Agama KL,
Class of 4 Ali and 5 Othman, Batch SPM 2010, Dorm Jauhari, my adik adik usrah tersayang, and,
especially to Insyirah, Jannah, Nab, Aimisya, Fasyak, Pah, Unie, Kak Ecah, Ayu, Wanimer, Yati,
Norain, Saffana, Nailah, Anis, Nani, Auni, ND, Syaierah Kaswan, Syafa,
Sobah, Mia, Syamin, Muslihah, Ana, Syaza, Nazira,
Nabihah, Syahira, Tun, and all of Puteri Form 5 2010.

To my friends that I've known from PLKN,
especially to Diyanah, Fatin Nurafiqah, Sheena, Fatin, Wana Wani, Izyan, Azura, Janah.

To my friends in CFS IIUM,
Law Group 323,
especially to Waniey, Bella, Shameema, Minn, Artika, Fara, Marina, Amal,
Aina, Husna, Faezah, Hanan, Ummi, Azura.

Guys, I want to apologize for any, any of my wrong doings.
Please halalkan segalanya.
Please take care of yourselves.
Jaga solat, jaga aurat, jaga kesihatan.

And thank you, thank you for EVERYTHING.
I cannot say thanks enough.
I cannot apologize enough.


I know my two pre-death notes aren't enough to explain everything.
But I really hope all of you could accept my apologies.
I'm trying, trying to be better. Insha Allah.
Everyday should be anew day for me.
Everyday should be a better Rai.

Take care.
May Allah bless all of you ~

April 26th, 2011

Beautiful Is You

Assalamualaikum and a very good 5. 03 pm in the evening : )

This post is not the short story that I've promised you in my previous movie promotion (hahaha), apparently just another post that I've thought not once, not twice but thrice whether I should post this or not. And I really hope you guys would read this until the end before you make any abrubt conclusion. Okay.

Everything in this world, everyone in this world that He has created are beautiful. And no one and I mean NO ONE could change that fact. It is true that some things in physical they look "not- beautiful -like- I -claimed- in- my post" but if you look deeper or think deeper or learn deeper like if you take Biology, everything is so specific, so beautifully made, so wondefully created by Him. You, have no right to say to certain things or certain people ugly, oh hodoh gila, oh tak cantik! And right now, I'm emphasizing on the beauty of every girls in this planet.

I'm sure you know that beautiful is a nikmat or gift that He has lent to us. It is not something that you'll get to keep forever. Beauty will fade according to time, as it passes by. But still unfortunately, some girls who think they're beautiful, they didn't use it for goodness but they commercialised their beauty so that the whole world could see how amazingly beautiful they are. And comercialised here doesn't just mean by modelling, any work that requires us to face the public. And I'm not talking about girls who cover themselves, I'm talking about girls who doesn't. Please always remember, anytime, anywhere He can take your beauty, because after all, it is His.

And now, to other things. I'm not saying that I'm pretty or even beautiful, there are many, many other girls in my school, out there who are more , much more bautiful than I am but praises are all for Him, but somehow, I usually get the compliments. But it doesn't matter at all to me. If you think I am pretty than Alhamdulillah, this beauty fyi, is never mine. But sometimes things are different for every girls. I remember during lunch last year, my friend said this to me " Wah, Rai. Bestlah jadi awak ni. Selalu ke awak kena puji camtu? " I stopped eating abrubtly, and I was blushing plus puzzled. I don't really remember what makes she said "..selalu ke awak kena puji camtu" but if I'm not mistaken before that, juniors were complimenting me or something like that. I said " Manade. biase je. Tak untung apa2 pun la wak" well something like that. But then she added, "haha, kita tak pernah pun kena puji camtu" That makes me feel bad, not for her, but for myself. Why not for her? Then are you saying oh pity her, tak pernah kena puji! No! Actually she should know that I don't deserve any compliments at all! Being complimented is not great at all! To me, each and every one of the girl in this world is beautiful. We should be greatful of what we have, of what we are. And I'm sure you know that there also many other human beings on earth who got Allah's test, maybe blind, deaf, mute, and I also sometimes feel envious when look at other beautiful girls with flawless and porcelain skin, something like Nivea ads - -""" But it's wrong, if I'm a good believer, I shouldn't act that way, I should just be greatful for what I am now. And for your information girls, I know that getting compliments is something that all of us always yearn for especially on beauty, but whatever it is, all the praises doesn't belong to us, but belongs to Him.

My dad always say when he hugs my sisters and I, and when he kisses our cheeks, "Alhamdulillah, cantik cantik anak baba ni. Kalau kita nak puji seseorang tu, puji Allah dulu. Sebab kecantikan tu milik Dia." No worries, in Akhirat insha Allah, if we are good and pious believers, our faces will shine, we will have an eternal beauty. Whatever it is, we have to take care of ourselves. Take care of our relationship with Him and with the people around us.

Beauty is not physical. It is in the eye of the beholder. If you have wonderful heart, you are always beautiful.
Never frets when you look at yourself in front of the mirror, looks can be deceiving, but always make sure that your heart is clean. Beautiful is you.

March 14th, 2011 

Trapped Within

Have you seen a box

sealed so tight,

that when you take it and shake it,

you can hear a sound,

that makes you wonder,

that makes you suspicious,

whatever inside the tight sealed box?

Have you seen a trunk

shut so tight,

by an oversized chain,

that when you forced it to open,

you'll just brake your manicured nails,

that even when you use the crowbar,

it just won't work,

this makes you feel frustrated,

this makes you feel angry,

however shall it going to be opened?

Have you seen a girl,

that look so pale,

look so numb,

have red rimmed eyes,

look confused,

look pressured,

at somewhat that has been bothering her.

Have you seen a girl trapped within her own mistakes?

It's all my fault.

It's all because I never think before I do.

It's all because of giving to people a lot.

No, you can give,

but it depends on what you give.

There's no next time.

And you can't hit Rewind.

You can't even linger your finger at Pause.

Because it has happened.

Now you just have to make it all better.

You just have to work yourself out.

Work yourself out of the box.

Work yourself out of the trunk.

Work yourself out of your mistakes.

Ya Allah, help me.

And no one can help me but You.

April 28th, 2011

Hear My Whispers, Please

I stare at the blue sky.

I stare at the sun.

I stare at the tall trees with birds chirping happily.

I stare at the girl who has a sad face.

I stare at girl who is crying silently.

I stare at the girl who is looking right back at me.

Oh that girl is me.

I'm standing infront of a mirror,

thinking,

wondering,

crying,

then I turn my body to where I pray,

asking,

begging,

kneeling,

whispering.

I said with the softest voice I could,

"Oh My Lord,

You are the Almighty,

You are the Powerful,

You are the All -Compassionate,

You are the Gracious,

You are the All -Merciful.

To You I find peace.

To You I beg forgiveness.

To You I confide my secrets.

To You I pour my feelings.

You are All Knowing, All Seeing.

You understand how I am right now.

I'm in a dump.

I'm in the sea,

drowning,

waving my hands,

seeking for help.

To You I seek help.

To You I seek peace.

To You my heart will rest."

"Ya Allah,

I'm your slave.

I beg for your forgiveness.

I beg for your mercy.

I'll never leave sins,

I'm always sinned,

everyday.

For I am only human.

And I'm weak.

To You I seek my strength.

To You I seek protection.

Ya Allah,

forgive me.

As no one forgive sins but You."

"Ya Rahman, Ya Raheem.

You are my source where I repent.

Ya Salam,

You are my source of peace.

Ya Muhaimin,

You are my forever guardian.

Ya 'Aziz,

You are my source of victory,

to You I seek my victory.

Ya Mutakabbir, Ya Khaliq,

You are the Greatest and I'm just little,

You are my Creator and I'm your slave,

listen to my whispers,

listen to my prayers,

My Lord.

Ya 'Alim,

You are my source of knowledge,

to You I seek brilliance.

Ya Basit,

You are my source of relieve,

forever and always.

Ya 'Adl,

You are just,

to You I seek justice in my life.

Ya Ghafur,

You are my forgiver, and hider of all my faults.

To You I seek forgiveness.

To You I repent.

Ya Karim,

You are the Generous,

so to You I pray for my blessing and blissful in life.

Ya Mujib,

You are the Responder to Prayers.

That's why I put my trust on You.

That's why I pray to You.

Because,

you are my Lord.

You are my God."

"Lead me always Ya Allah.

So that I am more pious.

So that I have more iman and taqwa.

So that I am a happy woman.

So that I am a happy human being."

"Ya Allah,

thank you for all the nikmahs You had given me.

Thank you for the iman.

Thank you for Islam being my religion.

Thank you for supportive and loving my family.

Thank you for my supportive and loving friends.

Thank you.

Thank you.

For everything."

"Hear my whispers always.

Hear my prayers always.

Because You are my everything."

Ameen.

December 26th, 2010 

Flashbacks by Raihana Nadhira

I remember how everything was perfect. You told me you will be there whenever I needed you. You told me how beautifully amazing I was when we met for the first time. Then, you told me that, you will never left me alone, because, you said you are my guardian angel. Reminiscing that night when you said "I have to go away. I'm sorry" and you left without no more words spoken, you left me speechless, and you made me pouring down hot streaming tears. You are unforgiven.

I remember how everything was tough. I remember I was at the stable, taking care of those horses that you and I use to rode. I haven't heard of you since that night. At that time it was almost six months since you left me, without calls and letters, I couldn't know how you are, where you are and why you left me. I was angry and frustated because all you said to me before was a lie. My heart was torn, throbbing in pain. I couldn't endure it, and my eyes kept welding up tears. I remember when I came to your house the other day after you went away, I knocked once, then twice, then many times, hard enough to break it down. I shouted your name, but there was no response. Of course, I was knocking at the door of an empty house.

I remember how everything was troubled. I remember when I was walking at the park from my college to my apartment in King's Street, I stumbled upon you. All of my college assignments strewn everywhere. You helped me to pick up all of the papers. It was three years after you left me, and suddenly you showed up again. Why? You made my heart torn again. We just stand there, looked at each other, studying each others' faces. You looked different. You looked somewhat, paler, and weaker. You looked at me, but I could see that your eyes looked through me. You were studying your beloved face. I smiled, my eyes weld up with tears again and I tried to touch your face but you looked away. Suddenly, you turned and you ran. I could see your feet brought you away from me as fast as if I was also running, trying to catch you, trying to reach you. But I was just standing there, where you left me, feeling dumbfounded what I just did, to make you go away, again.

I remember when I was busy. Busy looking up names, searching your name in the internet. I googled, and your name suddenly popped up in the centre of my computer. I plastered a smile. I finally found you. My housemate said that I was a fool, trying to find you when you're the one who left me. But somehow, although I was still mad at you for breaking your promises, deep down I felt as if you weren't purposely left me. I could tell when I looked into your soft hazel eyes this evening. Are you alright? I wrote down your address, and that night I walked out of my apartment, determined to see you and put away the memories of three miserable years of my life behind me.

I remember when I rang the doorbell. I rang many times, I called your name, I cried. I reminisced how I felt when I knocked your door last three years. I didn't bear to fail this time, no not this time. Just after a few moments, the door opened, and a familiar looking woman was standing in front of me. It was your mother, looking beautiful like always, like you. She was surprised to see me, and I was surprised even more when she quickly hugged me. She asked why I never called them and send letters. I was puzzled, I told her how you left me that night without telling me why, without telling me where you will be going. She wasn't prepared for this and she broke down. I helped her to sit in the kitchen. And then she said, "Oh honey, I thought he has told you. I'm sorry." I said to her I don't want an apology but an explanation. So, she told me your story.

I remember when my cheeks are wet again. I remember I was in a ward, your ward. I walked into the room with a heavy heart, because I couldn't bear seeing you like that. You turned to look at me, and you let your tears fall. You said, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I couldn't take care of you anymore." I broke down beside you. And I remember I hugged you and finally I'm in your arms that had always been guarding me. "I love you. So please, don't leave me again. Never." And we remained quiet to capture that moment, that soon will end.

I remember when I read your letter, that you has wrote for me the day before you left me. A special letter for a special someone, you said. And to me an explanation that I have been trying to find. You wrote; ".... You are my one true love, and you can never be replaced sweetheart. I could never stop loving you because you are truly a special woman in my life. You brought happiness in my life and you should know that your laughters has always been my favourite. I am really lucky, to have you inside my life. I would never regret that I had lend you my heart.
I'm sorry. But I have to go. I couldn't live beside you anymore because I 'm not strong enough to see you cry. I'm sick. And it is killing me slowly. I've diagnosed with brain cancer. And you could tell that I'm dying. I must let you go because I don't want you to see me like this. I'm sorry. And I love you. Please take care. And please.... forget me." My lips trembled. And I cried again.

I remember when the air was windy when you has gone. I remember I walked towards your grave and kneeled down to lay the flowers. All of your family were there. I could see your mother and her red rimmed eyes. She has cried enough. And I thought that I had too. I'm ready to let you go. And I want to tell you that my sweetheart, your love could never be replaced. I will always cherished our memories that we have shared together and I promise I will take care of myself. And I'm going to miss you. Badly.Thanks for the memories. Thank you for letting me be part of your life. And in your heart is forever I'll be.

I remember when I wrote this story. I remember when I told the New York Times publisher that I would like to share my story. I said, "Hi, my name is Rachel. And I've got story to tell."

THE END.

February 28th, 2010

The Unpredicted.

Please Raihana. Please. Don't suffocate me. I really, really need that air, the air of your beautiful soul. Wake up. Wake up. And let me breathe.
...................................................................................................................................................................
Well, you seemed to be curious of me, do you? Don't be Raihana. Don't look at me with that so-shocked big eyes of yours because I'm here already! I'm here! I know that you've been expecting me, I guess I just have to come early and meet you. Ha-ha! Look at you! So helpless, so insecure, so dumbfounded.. and yet, you've grown so fast, so fast indeed. You've grown taller! My, such a beautiful girl! No more Raihana that I used to met years ago, huh? What? What's that? You've been the same alright! Ha-ha! Shut that big mouth up honey! I don't give a well heck to whatever you're saying now, see? I came for a reason. You need me now. Look at you! You've cried for me, isn't that right baby? That's right. That's right. I don't want to stay any longer either. But what I want is that you listen to me. Yes, that's right. Just listen and do what I'm gonna tell you and then I'll leave you in peace. Yes honey, in peace indeed.

...................................................................................................................................................................
This is all your fault!! There's no way turning back, isn't there? Why? Why? Why me Raihana? Why me? I've been living in your shoes long enough! That smelly shoes of laziness, of lack of discipline, of lousyness, of whatever things that aren't right! I'm bored okay? I've got my own life! I've got my own future! You've changed a lot, yes, changed Raihana! I agree with her. She was all the way right! For the past 4 years and 2 months, all I could feel was exasperation, no, that's true, that I've learned a lot with you in those years, and honestly, I had fun too with you and your friends. But they are not the problem. You are! You are the problem! This is true that you've learned many many valuable and imperative things of your life throughout those years but some part of you. I don't know, they seemed to be not in the right place. I really want you back Raihana. The true you. I know she's still there somewhere. I know it. Please Raihana, please. Wake up. Wake up and let me breathe. Let me. Let me.

...................................................................................................................................................................
So you wanted peace huh? You wanted your peace now is it? That's good. You've learned to understand your situation now. One thing that I just got to tell you. One thing so that that girl won't suffer because of you!
You have to go back. Yes you heard me! Stand up and go back Raihana! Go back! Go back alright! YOU! You have to go back. Where to honey? Can't you remember at all? The slightest memory? Can't you remember that the times when you were younger and adulterated, if that word is suitable, ... can't you remember? Yes? So what is it? What is it that you remembered my child? And STOP CRYING LIKE A DAMN BABY! That's right. Speak to me. Speak to me clearly. Don't mumble. Speak. Speak.

.................................................................................................
Speak Raihana. Speak. Come on girl! I know that you wanted it too. I know that you missed those precious memories badly. I know that you are willing to let yourself into that. Into the page of lost years. The page inside the book of your life that you've once let it opened and tear it to million pieces. And now, she gave you the power Raihana. The power to call back those teared pieces. Those magically bautiful pieces of your life. And that is when you were twelve Raihana. Yes, when you were in year 6. That girl Raihana. That 5 feet 5 inches tall girl that you have forgotten. Yes, you've seen her before. In the mirror remember? Yes. That girl Raihana. That girl. Now wake up. Wake up Raihana.

...................................................................................................................................................................
STOP! STOP! STOP SHOUTING AT ME LIKE I'M SOME KIND OF ANIMAL! I KNEW I WAS WRONG! I knew. I knew B. I knew. Now, stop! Yes, H. Yes, I want to let myself into it. I want to let myself calling the missing pieces. Those, precious pieces. Yes. I want to be that girl back That twelve year old girl. I missed her. I missed her H, I really do. Badly H. Badly. You've awaken me H. I'm awake now. You can breathe now H. You can breathe. And B, you were right. I called you sometimes, occasionally for some reason that I wasn't sure about. But now you had came and honestly, I was a bit scared, petrified of the way you just treated me. But I understand now why you did that. No hard feelings, really. Thank you. Thank you both of you. I realized now that I need to be inside that twelve year old girl. She was very special now I've remembered. So special to me now. And look. I've called those precious pieces. That page that I've torned is now back! Look! O Allah I'm so happy! I'm so happy now. Really. I'm so happy!. Lord, let me be in this way, forever. Guide me O Allah. Guide me. And forgive me Allah. No one forgive sins but You. And thank You Lord, for giving me two most wonderful thing in my life; a Brain and a Heart. Thank You Allah. Thank You. Now I'M AWAKE!