Sunday, March 31, 2013

A Minute From You, Means A Thousand Hours For Me

a word in which you could think of many nicest thoughts,
a word in which you will see lying behind it,
stronger and meaningful words of;
keeping promises,
and much more other beautiful words,
which signifies the responsibilities,
the qualities,
needed in a Friend.
And then there is a saying goes,
“A friend in need is a friend indeed.”
And the worst part of the story of me writing all these is that,
I had neglected those responsibilities.
I disown the merits needed in a Friend.
In simpler form of words,
I am a bad friend.

I remember saying the words like,
“Let’s promise each other,
To cherish this friendship,
To still become friends,
Although we are worlds apart.”
The same ol’ same ol’ words,
That I’ve repeated ever since I went to primary school.
Ever since I made a friend,
And ever since we need to depart,
And started walking on different paths.

I remember having friends were one of the greatest things,
That has happened to my life.
They changed my perspective on certain prospect of life.
They changed my feelings from sorrow to joy.
They made me forget the pain that I have inside me.
They taught me that friendship must be cherished.
And I realized that.
I realized that when I first make friends.
The constant saying of love.
The constant saying of miss.
The constant saying of thanks.
The constant saying of sorry.
Although all the words spoken that seems decades ago doesn’t matter now,
But one thing that I hope is for
Neither any of you my friends, had the slightest thoughts,
Doubting those words that I’ve spoken before,
As if I never mean it.
When I said all those magic words,
In which it felt as if decades ago,
I did mean it.
The problem that I’m facing now is that,
I forgot how everything was special around us.
I forgot how beautiful our friendships were.
I forgot the magic words that had slipped from my lips.
I forgot, I forgot.
And I don’t blame any of you my friends,
Or do I still have the right to refer all of you as my friends?
I don’t blame any of you from being mad at me.
I don’t blame any of you from drawing away from me.
Because I caused all that to happened.

So many sorry,
So many promises made and be broken again.
So many times I have hurt all of your feelings.
So many times I repeat the same mistakes.
So many tears I caused all of you to shed.
So many memories that I could sense that,
 You wish I wasn’t part of it.
Because it will hurt you more for reminiscing those memories that we had shared.

I should have at least tried.
Although we have part our ways,
I should have at least given a call once a week.
Or text on certain days in a week.
Or email,
Or send direct messages,
Or anything,
Just to ask how have you been doing,
How is your family,
Is there any good news you would like to share,
Is there any sad news you would like to pour out.
I should have at least,
Become your ‘crying shoulder’,
If not every day like I used to be,
On certain occasions you felt sorrow I should’ve still become the crying shoulder.
In simpler words,
I should have at least acted like a Friend.

It’s probably too late to try and fix everything now.
It’s probably too broken to mend everything now.
And I realized that second chances,
 or I guess probably the hundredths times of second chances all of you had given me?
Would not be given to me anymore.
And I will put the blame on me.
On me, and not anyone else.

The memories that we have shared,
I know I couldn’t rewind them to experience them again.
I know I couldn’t make all of you laugh like I used to.
I know I couldn’t make all of you smile like I used to.

Dear Nur Aisyah,
Dear Nabihah,
Dear Anis,
Dear ‘Aisyah,
Dear Husna,
Dear Kyra,
Dear Hanani,
Dear Qila,
Dear Alia,
Dear Tera,
Dear Fatin,
Dear Kak Fatin,
Dear Aisyah,
Dear Jannah,
Dear Insyirah,
Dear Aimisya,
Dear Nalut,
Dear Unie,
Dear Fasyak,

Dear all.
I guess I still owe you all those magic words,
For I don’t know any other words that could say exactly that,
I’m sorry for everything,
For every single mistakes,
For every wound,
For every tears.
I’m sorry that I should have become a friend,
Your true friend.
I’m sorry that I never made an effort,
An impacting effort,
To become a true friend.

Nur Aisyah, Nabihah, Anis, Atikah, Syahmira, ‘Aisyah,
The memories that we have shared since we were small,
The friendship that has been created ever since,
I’m sorry for not being a good friend.
We were ‘best friends’.
But I had not been acting like one.
I hope we could still be able to communicate like we used to when we were kids.
Although 13 years have passed,
I hope we could reunite.
Thank you for being my friend, my best friend.
Thank you for all the help that you lent.
Thank you for everything.
Thank you for creating memories those were beautiful.

Husna, Kyra, Hanani, Qila, Alia, Tera, Fatin,
The beautiful memories of 3 years old,
The friendships of 7 years that we should have ever since we met,
I’m sorry for not being the best friend for all of you.
Kyra, Husna,
Both of you were among the first to know me since I first entered SB,
And the friendship we had created ever since.
With more friends that we met along the way,
Qila, Hanani, Alia, Tera.
The friendship that turns out to be pretty strong,
Back then.
I’m sorry for everything,
For every single mistake,
For not being the best friend for all of you.
Thank you for every precious moment.
Thank you for being the reason for me to laugh and smile.
Thank you for all the help that you lent.
Thank you for being my friend, my best friend.

Dear Jannah, Insyirah, Aimisya, Nalut, Unnie, Fasyak, Anis,
The memories of 2 years old,
The friendship that we should have own for 5 years,
Thank you for everything.
For the treasurable memories.
Thank you.
I’m sorry for not being a good friend and a best friend.
I’m sorry for everything, for every fault.
I’m sorry.

Dear all,
I’m sorry for every fault I had done.
I’m sorry for carelessly handled our friendship.
Thank you for still being there for me.
I know all these words don’t mean anything to heal those wounds I have caused.
I know all these words probably will raised hopes for me,
To start being a friend to you.
Probably cannot recreate the past.
But at least, sowing new memories.
Insha Allah.
I realized that enough promises been broken,
I realized that enough sins I had done towards all of you.
I realized that I should make a move.
I’m sorry if I made you feel regret of knowing me.
I’m sorry again, for everything.
I’m sorry if I should have written more.

I pray so that Allah prolong your life,
Grant all of you constant success and happiness,
In this world and the akhirah.
I pray so that He eases everything that you’re doing right now,
And protect you and your family and those precious people around you,
From any harmful things and calamity.
And I pray,
That you could accept my apologies.
I also pray,
So that I could become a person who hold tightly to her promises,
Who would bring joy and not tears to the wonderful people around her.

Yes, all of you were and still are,