Sunday, March 20, 2011

Sometimes I Just Wished That I Would Just Fade Away

I thought I've made the right choice.
I thought I've made the right decision.
On my feelings.
But it turned out to be,
I just don't know how to describe it.
Oh dang.

I just have to learn how to stop believing.
I just have to learn how to stop holding onto.
I just have to stop acting like I'm on a cloud 9.
I just have to stop letting my heart being torn.

I just have to learn how to fade away.

Taylor Swift Madness ;D

Puzzles of Words For You

To my meilleur ami - ,
this is a special post for you.
Because I want you to know how your words affected me.
And because I want you to know how your words changed my feelings towards you.

First of all, I know that I owe you an apology.
Because I forgot your birthday.
Because I was late in wishing your birthday.
And because of all the reasons that I had stated.

Yes, I'm a lousy meilleur ami.
No need to doubt that.
Happy belated birthday my meilleur ami.

Secondly, let's turn back the time.
I was away for three days.
It was March 17 in the evening,
when I decided to open my big red bag,
to look at my phone which has been left untouched since I left the house that morning.
Then, I saw your message.
Puzzles of feelings started to link together.
I can't believe that I still get those beautiful words.
I can't believe that I still get those beautiful reminders.

So why confuse and irritated?
Because I recalled your post on March 16.
I'm in confusion with your words.
I'm irritated because at that time the words kept lingering in my mind.
".. hypnotizing my mind, my feelings, my heart "
And now,
I'm feeling more and more confused.
With your post on March 17,
that I get to read yesterday.
Is that true what you wrote?
Is that true what I read?
Is that true?
" blood, my vein, my heart",
"'s you that I will wait for,
even if it takes days, weeks, months, years, centuries",
till death comes your way you said.
And then you wrote the magic words.

On March 19,
your post is full of apologies,
full of hopes,
full of expressions.
On this day also,
I wrote my post.
And I'm sure you've read it.
Now, keep on reading,
because now I'm writing full.

I don't know how everything could turn out differently.
I don't know how everything turned out to be so unexpected.
So unpredicted.
So wrong,
No, wait.
More words to come so please keep on reading.

I want that everything we do is what He would be pleased.
I want that everything we do achieved His blessings.
I want everything we do follow the right procedure.
I don't know right now.
I've got so much things ahead of me.
I'm just eighteen.
I'm still young to think about 'it'.
Just like what I've posted yesterday,
let du'a be the link that bonded us.
this is the right decision.
Let Him made the final plan.

If you fall for someone,
keep it a secret.
Pray for the one you love.
So that you can be with the one you love,
forever and always.

You pursue your dream.
You hold onto your goal.
You become a Cardiologist like you've ever wanted.
And you know you'll take no less than six years.
Six years is long my meilleur ami.
Anything could happen throughout those years.
Many people that we will meet.
Many people that we will have to know.
Many people that could change our life,
forever and always.

So if the feelings is true,
let's start praying for our future what might hold us.
And no promises please.
Because making promises that can't be kept is just another hurtful page of your life.


Saturday, March 19, 2011


Hey, I've returned. Yeah, been gone for three days and I miss writing already :) Anyway, peace be upon you wonderful folks - my trustee readers (:

Alhamdulillah, I managed to come back in one piece ;) and my holiday was AWESOME and a different post will be coming out soon about it, don't worry I'll babble a lot later, hehe. Just that this is a short post (I know, I keep saying I'll be writing a short one but it turned out to be long, sorry  ^ ^" but I'll try to be as simple and prep as possible).

I just happen to read my good friend's blog, and she said now she is in love. No, wait. Don't get yourself wrong and think that I'm busybody with other people's lovelife but this is different. What I want to say here is that I'm proud of her. I really, really had fall for her beautiful words. And I'm awakened now. Alhamdulillah.

You must be curious of what I've read right? Well let me share it with you then.

My dear friend said that she is in love, she is in love with a person who ;

"dengan insan yang melabuhkan cintanya kepada Allah.

dengan insan yang menjaga peribadinya dari fitnah.

dengan insan yang tiada cinta utama selain perjuangan fisabilillah.

dengan insan yang tiada aku kenal, kecuali kerana agama dan peribadinya.."

She also adds;

"Sesiapa yang jatuh cinta, kemudian menyembunyikannya hingga kematian datang menjemputnya,

maka dia adalah seorang yang syahid."

(Riwayat Hakim,Ibn Asakir,al-Dailami dan lain2)

*dipetik daripada buku Pemilik Cintaku Setelah Allah dan Rasul karya ukht Fatimah Syarha Mohd Noordin

PS. Dia tak tahu dan takkan pernah tahu. Doa itu penghubung antara hati hati insan. Juga penghubung insan dengan pencipta. Pertemuan semula itu, serahkan kepada Al-'Alim. May Allah Hears."

After all these words, these remarkable words, I've awakened. I'm in confusion right now, with my feelings. But this is the perfect solution for me right now. And maybe for any of you out there who needs a resolution on love and feelings. Then, this is it. Let our hearts be taken care by Him. He knows what's the best for all of us. And don't you want your life is full of His blessings?

I do. And I know that now my journey is still long, is still far ahead. I've got lots of times to think about love. And I know that now, my solution is to pray, is to seek His guidance always, and so that whoever has won my heart now, is the perfect choice for me.

To my dear friend, Aimi Syahirah Ibrahim, Masha Allah, you've awakened me. Alhamdulillah. Thank you sweetheart ;)

ps. I'm sorry that I copypaste some of your words. I hope you don't mind and I really want to show to the world (who some, happened haven't read your beautiful post yet) on the beautiful of love in Islam.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

My Beloved Friends

My beloved friends,
a few words to express how I felt about all of you,
about how sorry I am if you think I've left you,
how sorry I am if you think I'm a lousy friend,
how sorry I am if you think I never value our friendship that we created together,
how sorry I am if you think that I have forget you,
how sorry I am if you think I don't need you in my life anymore.

My beloved friends,
I'm truly blessed having to meet with all of you,
having to know with all of you,
to become your friend.
I'm absolutely grateful to Him that I met all of you,
I get to know all of you better,
I get to be your friend,
and most importantly,
your best friend.
I'm thankful to Him that He let us create a beautiful bond,
a beautiful relationship,

My beloved friends,
I know I always apologize.
Because I thought I'd make you guys mad,
I'd hurt your feelings,
I'd torn you apart.
I know friends forever is what I promised all of you.
Because that is really what I want, deep inside of me.
I understand that someone should take the blame.
And let the person be me.
But one thing that I must tell all of you,
this friendship won't work if both sides won't cooperate.
Let's try again.

Although friendship is hard to retain.
Because as you grow older,
you'll meet more people.
You'll create another bond of friendship.
You'll may forget your past bonds.
So I understand that,
promise of 'friends forever' is hard to keep,
but for my side,
I'll try.
I'll try to be your, friend.

SRIP: Nur Aisyah Rahman, Nur Nabihah Abd Hadi, Anis Hasanah, Syahmira, Atikah Abdulullah, NZKA(; , Naim Mazri, Mohd. Hanif Zonkifle, Mohd. Hafiz Zonkifle, Hafiz Suhaimi, Hanif Suhaimi, Naif Faris, Amirul Azim, Naif Farhan, Shauqy Osman.

SB: Nurul Husna Yusof, Siti Sakirah Abd Jalil, Zaid Jamaluddin, Aqilah Kamarulzaman, Nurul Hanani Damiri, Fatin Afiqah, Nur Alia Niza, Teratai Nadia, Rizwan Saiful Raslin, Hafiz Nazri, Zafran Mustafa, Mohd Naqiyuddin, Aisyah, Fatin, Zulaikha Syawal, Natasya Fellina, Ehsan, Affan Bahemsa-i.

SMAKL: Nurul Jannah Jalaluddin, Insyirah Zulkifli, Fatin Syakirah, Siti Nur Nabilah Lutfi, Sharifah Amirah, Aimi Syahirah, Auni Bazilah, Nur Zafirah, Norain, Puteri Hidayu Nafisah, Nur Nailah, Nor Saffana, Siti Husniyah, Farihah, all of Dorm Jauhari, all of batch  FiveForm Puteri 2010, all of my usrah members, Raihan, Izzat, Shafique, Azim Razak, Kamil, Iqbal

PLKN Kem Bumimas Sibu: Diyanah Kaiyisah, Fatin Nurafiqah, Shazwana Shahril, Redzlam, Shazwani Shahril, Azura, Jannah, Izzyani izzat, Reyvathy Sheena, Mohd Shafiqal, Filhan, Siti Syamimie, Muthaharah, Afiq Fakrul Razi, Najwa Nur Diyana, Francis, Affendi, Muhammad Wira, Aliff,  Siti Solehah, Azniera, Selviya, all of Dorm Durian, all of DELTA COMPANY that know me, all of WIRAWATI KUMP1 SIRI 8 that know me.


I Really Miss You. I do. I do.

I know I'd probably hurt your feelings.
I know I'd probably torn you apart.
I know I'd tell you my phone is a bloody thing.
I know I'd tell you I've got no more credits.
I know I'd tell you FB was damn slow.
I know I'd tell you that I'm sorry that you thought I'd forgot about you.
But hurting your feelings,
torn you apart,
have never come into my mind.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I should've called you using the house phone.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I should've post you a hello greeting.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for all the things I did wrong,
that made you think I'd forgotten about you.


I felt crushed.
I felt torn.
I felt upset.
After you send me the message.
Maybe what you said would happen to be true.
If you don't remind me,
remind me to be a friend.
A friend in need is a friend indeed.
I'm sorry.
If I haven't been your friend in need.
If I haven't been your friend that you hoped for.
I'm sorry.
But no, I really miss you.
I really do.
So please forgive me my dear,
for you are my good friend,
and I can't possibly forget you.
Can't possibly.
Thank you for the reminder.
That's sure a wake up call.

I really miss you. I do. I do,
Fatin Syakira.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

When You Thought It Is Enough But It Is Actually Isn't

Enough is enough.
You think you have done enough.
Enough in everything.
Enough in your words.
Enough in your actions.
Unfortunately, so sorry to say that,
you are wrong.
So wrong.

Let us go one by one.
Let us turn the page by page.
Let us just sit down and take time,
to think back,
to recall,
to reminisce.
Number One;
"How is my ma'thruat?"
Sadly to say that,
it has been in a comma for almost more than two months now.
Yes, now you can open your eyes big,
your mouth wide open in shock,
this is absolutely,

Take a deep breath,
and let's move on to Number Two.
Shall we?
Number Two;
"How is my Dhuha?"
Sadly to say that,
it is only been done 3 times when you were away for 70 days.
Yes, now you can start closing your big eyes,
your mouth now shut abrubtly,
too numb.

No my dear, this is not torture.
Really, it's for your own good.
So buck up, Number Three is coming right up.
Number Three;
"How is my qiyam?"
Sadly to say that,
it hasn't been done for three months now!
Gosh, honey!
What have you been doing?
You know that you cannot rise early if you don't sleep early.
Yes, you can fall down now.
And let the tears fall,

Sorry to let you know about all these.
But you do remember your resolutions right?
Please, if you don't, let's not be a lazy bump and click on to the January post.
There, written clearly and nicely, boldly.
It is understood that you are now,
feeling guilty.

Ya Allah,
forgive me.
I shouldn't be like this.
I shouldn't just let it all go away.
I shouldn't create excuses.
I shouldn't just pray 5 times a day and read the Quran every morning and night.
I should've done more than that.
It is not enough yet.
I've wasted a lot of my time.
A lot of precious time.
Ya Allah,
forgive me.
And no one forgive sins but You.
Allah is all Forgiving, all Merciful.

p/s: This is only the part of it. I have many things that I'd done not enough yet. Well actually, there is no 'enough' in our life. Yeah, no enough.

If I Die Young - The Band Perry

The Way I Loved You (:

Some of My Favourite Indonesian Songs

It's Fine With Me (I'm Feeling Fine With You (: )

I've posted three different stories.
Each has its own meaning.
Each has its own speciality.
Each has its own secret.
And now,
I must tell how I felt,
how I felt after those three stories been poured out.

Why Is It Just Don't Come Out Right?
Well, you cannot really win everytime.
Every game there's always a winner,
and of course,
every game there's always a loser.
It's fine with me,
if I have to be the loser,
because I know it won't last long.
I may lose right now.
I may lose again.
But again as I said before,
it's fine with me.
Because sooner or later,
I'll win.
I'll win over 'it'.
I'll win and get my trophy.
The Trophy of 'It'.

Some said that,
I'm still young,
I've got more in front of me,
I've got a lot ahead of me.
I've got time.
Time to search for 'it'.
Time to look for 'it'.
So maybe not now.
Maybe not tomorrow.
Maybe not next month or another year.
But the time will come.
The time will come,
for me to be the winner.
The winner, finally.
I'll bring back The Trophy of 'It'.
So like I said before,
it's fine with me.

Trapped Within,
it's almost the same right?
The same feel,
the same condition,
the same everything.
Now I have to work things out,
to crush the sealed tight box,
to break the oversized chains,
to sit again,
to stand again,
to be able to breathe freedom.
All praise is for Him,
for giving me the courage,
the guts,
the strentgh,
to work things out.
So that I could smile again.
So that I could laugh again.
With no more fear.
No more lies.
Don't get yourself wrong my friend,
like I told you this morning,
I've got many other different reasons that made me
Trapped Within.
And no,
I never forcing smiles and faking laughs,
when it comes about you,
my best friend.

It's fine with me
now that although some part of me still,
Trapped Within,
but with His help,
I can always run a mile on naked feet,
I can always swim in the ice cold water of Southern Ocean,
I can always climb the Mount Everest,
to untrap me.
To set me free.
So it's fine with me now.
It's fine with me.
Because one of my problems,
has settled,
settled beautifully,
settled wonderfully,
and been understood patiently,
by one of the souls that I really
appreciate most-
apart from my family and other friends.
Thank you again.

I know that it's a bit rare of me,
to write about specific person,
in my beloved raihanaeuphoria,
but I did, didn't I?
So that I could tell,
how I really felt after what I said.
How I really felt after what has been uttered.
So that I won't feel regret.
So that I won't be upset.
So that no more heart I'd torn.
So that no more sad songs could be heard.

It's fine with me
now that I just got your message,
now that I just got your words,
makes me stonger,
makes me relieved,
makes me smile one more time.
It's fine with me
that we are still best friends.
We are still feeling fine.
it's fine with me,
when you are always fine.

So I've written down,
my feelings after those three stories has been posted.
I hope all of you would understand now.
I hope all of you would understand.
Understand a girl,
who could not leave her smile behind.

Monday, March 14, 2011

My Long Time Favourite

Trapped Within

Have you seen a box
sealed so tight,
that when you take it and shake it,
you can hear a sound,
that makes you wonder,
that makes you suspicious,
whatever inside the tight sealed box?

Have you seen a trunk
shut so tight,
by an oversized chain,
that when you forced it to open,
you'll just brake your manicured nails,
that even when you use the crowbar,
it just won't work,
this makes you feel frustrated,
this makes you feel angry,
however shall it going to be opened?

Have you seen a girl,
that look so pale,
look so numb,
have red rimmed eyes,
look confused,
look pressured,
at somewhat that has been bothering her.
Have you seen a girl trapped within her own mistakes?

It's all my fault.
It's all because I never think before I do.
It's all because of giving to people a lot.
No, you can give,
but it depends on what you give.
There's no next time.
And you can't hit Rewind.
You can't even linger your finger at Pause.
Because it has happened.
Now you just have to make it all better.
You just have to work yourself out.

Work yourself out of the box.
Work yourself out of the trunk.
Work yourself out of your mistakes.

Ya Allah, help me.
And no one can help me but You.

Why Is It Just Don't Come Out Right?

Just a short pouring-what-I-feel note.
Just a short expression.
I promise you.
You, Raihana.

When it comes about 'it', 
when you suddenly feel that,
this is it.
The right time,
the right change.
Because it is hard you see,
before this you had what you thought 
enough experience.
But actually you don't.
But that doesn't matter.
What you're going to say right now,
is that you've been hit by 'it'.
Damn it.

You saw 'it' is coming,
and at first you know that you're in a situation.
Confusion, surrounds you.
Confusion and anxiety.
Just seemed to enveloped you.
Especially your heart.
Yes, you knew that your heart has been 
intrigued by 'it'.
You said to yourself, 
its okay. 
You can trust on this one.
But then it turn out to be,

At first, 
there were two 'it'.
But you know that one of 'it' you just have to just forget.
Because like they say,
friends should just remain friends.
Anyway you know that 'it' is taken by someone else.
A soul that your best friend love.
Then came another 'it'.
You look at how 'it' is.
Throughout the days, weeks.
You thought 'it' looks nice.
'It' looks like 
The Perfect One.
Now, everything almost everything
that you thought,
just don't seem to be right.
You just saw the pictures.
One of it just made you feel,
somehow disgusted.
And you felt disappointed.
And sorry, 
two pictures.
And you know that now you have to end 'it'.
Damn 'it'.

I'm sorry.
You just have to forget 'it'.
Although tears may fall.
And your heart is in

No longer Aishiteru.

Crying on the inside.

raihanaeuphoria Under Construction

Starting 14th of March 2011.

Be patient, just.
Stay with me. 

Alhamdulillah, I'm Home. Finally ;')

IMY IMY IMY guysssss badly! ;') I'm BACK FINALLY and it's true, Azim R, aku ada banyak STORIESSS TO SHARE with you guys :D Alhamdulillah, I came back to pangkuan family safely, around 5 something yesterday. I arrived at KLIA around 2 pm, then we had this process before we go to Zetro Wangsa Maju, macam kena ada check whatsoever and by the time we finished all this it was almost 3.30 we started heading to Zetro. But seriously the process is slow! Anyway, we bertembung with other two camps that arrived from Sabah, jumpa dengan Teha, Debel :)

Whatever it is, I'm so SORRY coz last night I tak dapat online FB lama, after Isyak, I head downstairs, with a new book on my left hand, Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher and dunking Oreos in Milk ,(cold milik. Finally!! ) and at the same time watch a scary movie at HBO, Case 39 - seriously got goosebumps every second :P But I'll try to online FB as long as I can take, but at the same time updating my beloved bloggie(: And cakap awal2 kt sini, I rarely nak pegang my phone so FB je okay my beloved friends(:

Just wanna add that I terkilan sbb semalam tak sempat peluk habis2 Fatin Nurafiqah and Fatin Izzatie :'( I'm sorry girls, I really wanna apologize for all my wrong doings and thank you guys for everything, face-to-face. Insha Allah kalau ada rezeki, we will meet again(:

I miss THEM already : Diyanah Kaiyisah, Fatin Nurafiqah, Shazwana Shahril, Fatin Izzatie, Reyvathy Sheena, Shazwani Shahril, Azura, Izzyani, Jannah, Siti Syamimi.... Ustazah :'(

I miss all of wirawati and wira (?!) and para jurulatih, cikgu cikgu, that I get to know at PLKN Kem Bumimas Sibu Sarawak Kump 1 Siri 8 2011

Thanks for everything and sorry for anything.