Now the time shows exactly 10.10 pm.
I have finished writing about this; below.
I am appalled.
After browsing through the group page, I know that I don't belong there.
With each and every one of them.
I may be tall, but I am so little compared to them.
I may be 21 year old human, but I am not wise compared to them.
I don't have those.
I could feel although our connections are via the web, I don't deserve that.
Do I even deserved to be a part of them, like they claimed I am?
I am easily torn.
I am easily broken.
I may look strong on the surface.
But I am full of holes beneath it.
Just three weeks of break, I could easily be destroyed.
Just three weeks of departures, I could easily be shattered.
I know they have held strong of my hands.
I know they have given me love.
I know they have given me care.
But looking at myself and back at them, I am just unwarranted being.
One of them said, "perubahan itu daripada diri sendiri. ubah keadaan diri dengan tangan sendiri"
I should just stay quiet now.
If I can't change myself, why should I be bothered to enjoin others to change for the better.
If I can't ensure I act to the best akhlak, why should I be bothered to enjoin others to act better.
If I can't safeguard myself, why should I be bothered to enjoin others to do the same.
If I can't walk the talk, I should just shut up.
This is how I feel right now.
Yes, I don't have confidence in myself.
Yes, I feel ashamed in myself.
|Try as hard as any of you can, to reach me, for I'm hiding behind the shield of my own, that you can't trespass.|
I'm broken now. Can any of you even fix me?