Today = ONE MONTH !

Bismillahirahmanirraheem


Hellooooooooooo! I'm back ! Heehee with loads more stories. Anyway, have you guys eaten lunch yet? Alhamdulillah I just had ikan keli and telur masin just now. Seeedap. Masakan Melayu senantiasa daebak =D Oh with rice of course, and veges. Yeah, I know I eat a lot. But if I have to sacrifice rice, then sorry lah, nasi dah jadi sebahagian daripada hidup ni. Okay no, probably 90 % =P

So anyway, lots of things occured since I've last posted. No, not since yesterday, since last month. Just would like to share with all of you, my experience of jatuh tangga, kaki terpeleot or terseliuh infront of brothers T__________T (yeah I know tutup muka dengan bantal and jerit "aaaahh malunyaaaaa" sekarang ) Brothers as in not my real brothers, brothers "brothers". Brothers in Islam. Here we practiced calling each other "sister" or "brother" which I think is much and way better than calling each other "wei perempuan!" or "woi jantan!" (ok I think that's too much). But then, better kan? It's an environment where you can actually feel biah soleh and solehah tu. How? Well, isn't Islam teaches us high morality? It's not like we are not taught to become courteous. Islam is syumul. Comprehensive. Every aspect in our life has its methods of doing it. Islam taught us to be polite, to be well-mannered. And that includes our way of communicating to other people, without regards its sex, race and religion. I myself was once quite harsh when I communicate with the opposite gender. I remember dring my primary school years and although during that time boys and girls were 'best friends' we would still call each other by "wei perempuan" or "woi laki". Haha. Yepp. Macam nama takde je =P 'Till our teacher chided us and she said that what's the purpose our parents gave us beautiful names but we don't 'use' the name properly. Such as some kids like to call each other bad names and to make case worse, they 'play' with thier dads' names. Some people just cannot think beyond the issue "we're just joking around", which is actually not funny.

 Okay, dah tersasar jauh. So back to my story, I fell down the stairs. If I'm not mistaken I missed three steps of stairs. So that day was about 3 weeks and a couple of days ago, it was Thursday and I had iftar with my PSSCM. After breakfasted and saw the time was 7.45 and my mind was like "great Rai, you can start today's project work early" so I hurried to go to my friends' mahallah, hostel, whcih is only 5-6 minutes walk if my paces are quick. Maghrib should be performed there I thought. As I was going down the stairs, I was practically doing other things. Shameful to say that I wasn't not properly focus while going down the stairs. I was too 'busy' searching for my phone in bag, just to check if I'd left anything in the class upstairs (where we breakfasted) and to make sure other important things. My right hand was carrying two bags of our scrapbook materials (yep that's our project. We'd to do about he development of equity in England) which were quite heavy. Quite. And I kept tugging to it since the plastic bags kept slipping from my arms. Imagine me doing all that while walking down the stairs. And then suddenly BOOM! (ceh bunyi macam apa je, jatuh tangga je pun) I fell, I could feel my right foot twisted side way. At that time two brothers were right next to the stairway. The plastic bags slipped (eventually) and alhamdulillah I fell in a quite appropriate manner, even if I say so myself. I quickly gather things up and try to stand, but not that fast. At that time I don't feel any hurt towards my body. The brothers were quite stunned, well maybe because they don't know what else to do, slightly guilty perhaps because they were actually standing there, and actually looked at me while I'm in that state! T_T I thank Allah also because the guys were not like other guys with rambut pacak and flirty smiles. Those guys were the guys who I myself would be happy to call them brothers. Lol. Okay, ni yang pakej kopiah and baju ala ala Raihan tu. So? So, aren't you not supposed to judge a book by its cover? True. But I'm more to the quote "If you are a good person, you should portray yourself in a good image. It's not because of anything but to gain trust in other people towards you". Okay maybe you guys are not familiar with it probably because it's my quote, heh - -" but it's true right? We shouldn't let others think bad about us when we are not that kind of people. So again back to my story. I stood there in silence, just looking dwon at the stairs. The brothers budged, moved to the other side of the stairway, probably their class is at the other side of building, at that time I was silently praying so that they would just go away. I was absolutely embarassed. But insted of going straight to whatever place they're supposed to head, one of the guy asked me, "sis, okay ke?" I lifted my head a bit, forced a slight smile and said "ah, aah okay, okay je,: and to add the embrassment to myself, I can't believed I'd actually added, " tolong pergi, pergi boleh tak?" with my right hand 'shoo-ing' them away =_____=" I know. It's quite rude. Okay no. RUDE GILA. Haigoo. But to think again, what they can do with me? So I guess by sending them away was a good decision. Somehow then I saw a black myvi, parked infront, since I don't wear specs at that time, I don't focus much on that car... and the people inside who were actually saw everything. After the guys went away, I started to go down one more step, or to be exact tried. I tried to move my injured right foot, but as I lift the foot, I could sensed an enourmous pain on my ankle. I abruptly sit again, with my hands on the ankle, and eventually, cried. The hot streaming tears were coming down fast, I could even hear myself crying quite loud, and then one of the person inside the myvi came out. I was panicked, quickly wiped away the tears -but to no avail since the tears kept coming- I was more embarassed than ever because that person, also a guy found me crying like a little child. He was fast, he came towards me but stopped at about 6 steps infront of me. He asked "sister, awak okay? Sakit ke?" something like that and I just shooked my head. Suddenly he said but not to me, to the 'stairs above me', "sister, sister! tolong sis ni jatuh tu. Dia sakit, tak boleh jalan kan? -Bawak masuk kereta" The sky was dark already and I knew later that maybe I fell because I should've just stayed in the class for awhile and wait for other friends to finish other than went out during maghrib. Two of friends came down, shocked to see me in such condition, because I was practically so quick-paced before. Thank you Nazihah and Rudzila =') At first, both guys, or men, because I think they're staffs here, one of them mentioned about his kid that caused him to child-locked the backseat door, suggests that they should send me to the clinic but I object and protested that the clinic is closed at night so instead they brought us to the mahallah, not my mahallah, but my other two friends' mahallah anyway because I have project work to do so it's better to drop me there anyway.

I thanked Allah for He had eased everything for me. He'd let these two nice uncles to drive me to the mahallah, He'd let these two friends who were patient enough to help me walk to the elevator, and that my good friend's room is at level 1. As I walked, and tears kept puring down due to the pain, due to the feeling of sinful towards Him, because of many things, and He'd still given me the chances to try to become a better me, each and every day. I cried also because I felt how a handicapped person feel, they couldn't walk on one leg, how they are patient and struggle to live their lives. I cried because He had given me the oppportunity to cultivate more patience within me and become more thoughtful of everything. I realized how an absolutely healthy person can become sick just a minute after. How He is All Powerful, able to give and retrieve back what I actually don't belong in the first place. How humans like me can be ignorant at times, commit sins, disobey Him, as if letting other things to be more important than Him wa na'uzhubillah, as if the other things are the God. Wouldn't a person who take something else that he or she considered as more important than Allah is like 'ditching' Allah and worship other things? But that's too extreme. But it is as IF like that, doesn't it? Feel free to comment and correct if I'm wrong. Yes, we are humans, yes, we make mistakes. But this is when taubatan nasuha takes place. Become the precedent over the sins we had committed. My murabbi said that once we commit sins and we realized we'd committed it, we should repent, taubat nasuha, means we vows we won't repeat the same mistakes again. And then also should come efforts to become a better person. We should think again, what makes us commit the sins? List the probabilities. Then think of methods to overcome the factors. Insha Allah, we will be freed from the Sin Prison. Although we are prone to commit the same sins again, but insha Allah, when we try as hard as we could to protect ourselves from Allah's Anger, wa na'uzhubillah, Allah will help us to become clean from the sins. For Allah won't change the condition of a person, if he doesn't change first. Alhamdulillah that day, masha Allah, my friends were really really helpful =') Thank you guys. Thank you so very much. I'm sorry for any of my wrong doings. Thank you for the concerns, the constant worrys, the care, the ice packs!
Especially to : Nazihah, Rudzilah, Waniey, Bella, Yati, Anis, Fatma, Qidwati, Ayu, Farha, Nini, Pah, Afiqah Ram, Fasyak, Aimisya

To be continued.