1 - One day theres a couple of kids in a phycology class. The teacher stands up and says to the class "stand up if u think you're stupid!" after about 5 minutes Little Johnny stood up and the teacher says "do you think you're stupid Johnny?"
To which Little Johnny replies "No miss i just hate to see you standing there all by yourself!!!"
2- Ten things that you don't want to hear during a surgery.
1 Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
2 Nurse, did this patient sign the organs donation card?
3 Damn! Page 84 of the manual is missing!
4 Everybody stand back! I lost a contact lens!
5 Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie
6 Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
7 "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"
8 Whoa, wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
9 "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, he's got two of'em
10 What do you mean "You want a divorce?"
3- A Plane was flying through the jungle when suddenly the engine stalled. The pilot ejected and drifted gently down to land. Unfortunately he landed in a large cooking pot which was gently simmering over a low fire.
All the local tribesmen turned to look at him until the chief, blinking in disbelief asked, "What's this flier doing in my soup?"
4- Two fisherman are out sailing when suddenly a hand appears in the sea. "What's this?" asked the first fisherman, "It looks as if someone is drowning!"
"No," explained the second fisherman, "It's just a little wave."
5- First Man: I bet I can make you speak like a Red Indian?
Second Man: How?
First Man: Told you I could.
6- "He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot."
- Groucho Marx
7- "His mind is so open - so open that ideas simply pass through it."
- F. H. Bradley
8- Q. Were you long in the hospital?
A. No, I was the same size that I am now!
Q. What button won't you find in a tailor's shop?
A. A Belly button!
Q. What kind of car does Mickey Mouse's wife drive?
A. A minnie van!
Q: How did the telephones get married?
A. In a double ring ceremony!
Q: Why did the child study in the aeroplane?
A: He wanted a higher education!
Q: What kind of hair do oceans have?