#1 A teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a brief, fruitless search, he gave up. His mother took up the cause and within minutes, found the lens. "How did you do that?" he asked incredulously. "We weren't looking for the same thing," explained his mother. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150".
#2 My boss didn't come in to work today. He called this morning and said he was having a vision problem. When I asked what was wrong, he replied, "I just can't see myself at work today."
#3 After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for some time, Benny proudly showed off the finished puzzle to a friend. "It took me only five months to do it" bragged Benny. "Five months? That's too long," his friend exclaimed. "Hey, come on, I did pretty good," said Benny, "See this box? It says '4 - 7 Years."
#4 A month after Donald MacDonald started at Harvard, his mother called from Scotland. "And how are the American students, Donald?" she asked. "They're so noisy," he complained. "One neighbour endlessly bangs his head against the wall, while another screams all night." " "How did you put up with it?" his mother asked. "I just ignore them and play my bagpipes." (!!!)
#5 High-Tech Shopping
Son - iPod
Father - iPay
#6 My father could never remember my name. "Frederick! Sylvia! Sheila!," he would always shout. I wouldn't mind, except that I was an only child.
#7 A grandpa left a gift for his soldier grandson, instructing him to open it only during a very fierce battle. While in gun battle, his grandson opened the gift. In it was written, "Run, my child, run!"
#8 A couple of hunters are in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. His eyes are rolled back in his head, and he doesn't seem to be breathing. the other guy whips out his mobile phone and dials the emergency number. He gasps to the operator, "My friend has fallen dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm, soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's a silence; then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
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